Thursday, December 28, 2006
This is an actual job application that a 17 year old boy submitted to McDonald's in Florida. Strange thing is, they hired him because he was so honest and funny. Very honest indeed I'd like to add. Maybe try something like this on your next job interview:Q: Name
He Answers: Greg Bulmash.
Q: Sex
He Answers: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
Q: Desired position
He Answers: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
Q: Desired salary
He Answers: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
Q: Education
He Answers: Yes
Q: Last position held
He Answers: Target for middle management hostility.
Q: Salary
He Answers: Less than I'm worth.
Q: Most notable achievement
He Answers: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
Q: Reason for leaving
He Answers: It sucked.
Q: Hours available to work
He Answers: Any.
Q: Preferred hours
He Answers: 1.30-3.30pm. Monday, Tuesday and Thursday.
Q: Do you have any special skills?
He Answers: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
Q: May we contact your current employer?
He Answers: If I had one, would I be here?
Q: Do you have any physical conditions that would prohibit you from lifting up to 50 LBS?
He Answers: Of what?
Q: Do have a car?
He Answers: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs"
Q: Have you received any special awards or recognition?
He Answers: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
Q: Do you smoke?
He Answers: On the job, no. On my breaks, yes.
Q: What would you like to be doing in five years?
He Answers: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blond super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
Q: Do you certify that the above is true and complete to the best of your knowledge?
He Answers: Yes. Absolutely.
Labels: Job Interview, MacDonalds
A month back, I was reading a blog posted by a friend who wrote about kids from the special schools boarding the train. I know who exactly those kids are coz I travel the same direction as her and have seen em' umpteen times myself. I suddenly got reminded of this post that was saved in my drafts.
A very long time back, I was reading through ah neh's classics. To see his classics, which by the way is at the right hand side, click here. But to read one particular favourite of mine, entitled 'MRT Etiquette', click here. I shared the same pheelings with him about the commuters and it wasn't long before I did a lil' dissin' of my own as well. Now, I did this post quite some time back and am putting this up coz I is motherfucking lazy to blog about something new. (NNB, you think I very free ah?) Anyways, coming to the all important matter.
To think that the MRT is a convenient way of travelling, and actually boarding it only to be bitterly disappointed coz it adds to further headaches, is only gonna further infuriate a growing teenager like me. I have a very low tolerance level and the word patience is non existent in my encyclopedia when I take a train. I will elaborate why, like this:
A very long time back, I was reading through ah neh's classics. To see his classics, which by the way is at the right hand side, click here. But to read one particular favourite of mine, entitled 'MRT Etiquette', click here. I shared the same pheelings with him about the commuters and it wasn't long before I did a lil' dissin' of my own as well. Now, I did this post quite some time back and am putting this up coz I is motherfucking lazy to blog about something new. (NNB, you think I very free ah?) Anyways, coming to the all important matter.
To think that the MRT is a convenient way of travelling, and actually boarding it only to be bitterly disappointed coz it adds to further headaches, is only gonna further infuriate a growing teenager like me. I have a very low tolerance level and the word patience is non existent in my encyclopedia when I take a train. I will elaborate why, like this:
The Kids
I am not kidding. If I have to smack your kids, I will NOT hesitate. I will hammer the 'Cha Kway Tiao' he gobbled the night before outta that fat mule you call a son. Keep him seated with his hands handcuffed to whatever the fuck you can find. Else, use a straitjacket. Why is it that your kids have to be so different from me when I was younger? When my dad says sit, I chant the alphabets S-I-T. I remain glued to my seat till further instructions were given. These days, kids grow up to become young scientists. They explore anything and everything. From my shoe laces to my books till my piercings, they HAVE to lay their hands on everything. Why the fuck is your kid as itchy as your husband? And I really need to ask this: What is so fuckin' funny about me? Why is it that your kid has to point at me of all people and laugh "Appu Neh Neh"?? You know how sad that is? There is nothing I can say to make a good counter for that. Who the fuck instilled the racism in him at such a tender age? And the next time your son spills his oreo crumbs on me, I will not hammer him. I will get YOUR ass gunned. And keep all infants away from the MRT if you can. Coz I is not the type of guy who'll look at your tomato shaped satan of a baby and go "Aww. What a cutie pie." Hell nah. I will shuff a carrot up his throat if he aggravates my irritation. So if ever you bring on board that irritating infant of yours who definitely will scream to spoil someone else's peace, attach a vacuum to his windpipe.
My Beloved Teenagers
This will be broken into many parts. Just when you thought educated blokes like them would be better behaved, they prove you so wrong.
The Throat Infected- See, you don't need to tell the whole world what is happening in your life. I am so sorry that your maid, whom you've been trying so hard to get into bed with you, ran away with a Bangladeshi. But please lower your volume. You don't need to tell every single one what a good blowjob she did on you. And why is it that you have to scream your lungs on the phone? What the fuck for? You're giving a trunk call to India? I was peacefully enjoying silence one day on the train when this mad son of a turbine screamed "HELLO MUMMY AH?!" What the fuck?! Are you crazy? You nearly killed an old women with that scream. And for heaven's sake, even if you wanna blast and show off your out of tune ringtone, I would really appreciate it if you had better ones. Coz I saw an aunty, in her mid 40's, singing along with a ringtones once myself. See, even an aunty knows the type of songs that you're playing. Tsk.
The Very Attached- You ain't no siamese twin. You don't need to sit down right beside each other and rub your balls together. It won't hurt if you're sitting right across each other or a few seats away. So the next time you see an empty seat beside me and your 'best buddy in the world who's bound to run with your girlfriend given the chance' sits his ass beside me, don't gimme that look like I killed your family. I is in no way obliged to give up my seats for you. You're a young man. You can stand. Here, it's not the 'first-come, first-serve' basis. It's the 'who-see, who-grab' basis. And when there are seats in between me, and both you gay boys sit sandwiching me, do not try to converse. Why is it that both you cocks have to lean forward to my dick and start speaking? Does it look like a microphone? It looks wrong. It's fucking irritating when I have to hear your conversation as well. You think I give a fuck if your girlfriend didn't go down on you? Do you think it matters if you tried it doggy style or 69? And why is it that you have to ask your friend why your girlfriend didn't moan? Ask her la!
The Musically Inclined- Yea I know the usher that you are at heart. But why is it that you have to let the whole world listen to your bullshit as well? You spend, let's say, $100 on your fuggin handphone and you couldn't afford a fake $2.50 Nokia earpiece from Sungei Road? Trust me, the quality is good. And the next time I hear anyone play anything that sounds like a 'Chinese Wayang' or "Dangdut', I will shuff that handphone of yours up your ass! And please for heaven's sake, Indian music is not in any way cool especially if you're playing a 80's song that you have to blast and let the whole cabin headbang with.
The 'Open' Minded- I will not deny. Being very honest, I'd love to look at a 'Zhao Geng'. BUT, if you're fast approaching the 30's, 40's or 50's and above category in terms of age, please keep your pee holes as pee holes and not peepholes. Stop airing your rotting pussy in public. Only I know how the uncle beside me did some matrix stunts to catch a glimpse of excitement. I swear I would have vomited. So air your 'Ikan Bilis' of a pussy at home. And if you have watermelons for boobs, I know the dying urge you have to show em' off. But not when your ugly face gets into the way. So keep it deflated when you board the already crowded train that's looking at your world globes.
And I have decided to end it here. I decided to delete the rest. Too lengthy. So all you old folks, 'anjadis', Filipino maids and Bangladeshi worker's are safe. Maybe a part 2 might be drafted. Maybe not. I is unsure. I is too lazy to address to all. Adios.
Labels: MRT
Disclaimer: Do not read if you're a women.
There are some things in life that just don't click. Just like most men see it pointless to listen to a women talk about make-ups and shopping, most women too don't want to hear anything to do with balls. (Ball here referring to a soccer ball before you get a lil' excited) It's funny how a friend, who plays netball by the way, thinks 22 men running after one ball is so ridiculous. In netball, a group of women run after one ball too. What's the bloody difference?? Some people just can't see concepts.
Today, for one reason or another, I suddenly got reminded of those days I'd follow my friends shopping. To be buzzing around walking aimlessly is not in the 'favourites list' of a man. I sometimes wonder if women actually developed their sense of patience through shopping. It takes an extensive load of patience I'd tell you. Seriously no laughing matter.
It's also no laughing matter when you follow a woman shopping. Not when she ain't mute and most of the shopping you accompany her is done verbally rather than the eye. I was sitting down today when memories of me wearing out my soles at Junction 8 haunted me. There's no way in hell that anything is gonna make me walk around like a mad man. Even if I have to get something badly, the 3 vulgar steps that I follow strictly when shopping is:
1) Chee (See)
2) Bai (Buy)
3) Fuck Off
But when shopping is done with a women who fights or tries to bring politics into the picture at every instance she gets, it starts to get pretty tough. The sad thing here is, we can never be too sure who falls under which category. A horrendous sight is when someone who looks as timid as a mouse starts to bargain like a cheetah. The haunting memory, dated a couple of years back and as detailed as I can recall, as goes:
Met a friend at Bishan McDonald's. It's quite demoralising when this cursed heart of mine starts to feel for people who actually don't have someone to talk to. Especially if they're damn nice and they are often treated unfairly by majority. Don't blame me, I like to play the 'big brother' role. But when the word 'slacking' is camouflaged, and is actually a bear-trap called shopping all concealed in the blessed name of friendship, there's no way I could have seen the dissimulation.
After enough breakfast to keep me filled for the next two weeks, the 'pain in the ass' of a friend decides to walk around so as to digest food cum look for a handphone casing. It's such a rip off when you don't get the hidden message that reads "This is your unlucky day" when they innocently say "Let's walk around"
I walked all around Junction 8 just to look for a flower printed handphone casing. Upon repeated failures to asset a suitable design, and the word suitable is a highly subjective word here depending on the women, we finally discovered one that was pretty decent. That was the start. A five minute debate was done on how much cheaper she got have got the handphone casing for elsewhere. Another five for how much she can get it discounted at. And finally another five minutes on if she can purchase other items but get it discounted just because she already purchased one earlier from the same damn cursed shop. When one women talks, it's a lecture. When two of them communicate, it's a debate. But with the manager eventually adding herself into the discussion, thus making it three women, it's definitely a war. After much discussion and team talks, and while you're at the side planning to throw a twenty dollar bet that the handphone casing wouldn't be purchased in the end anyway, the champion of a friend leaves the shop empty handed while the salesgirl was mumbling something which translated into my ears as "Chow Chee Bai!" End of story.
Wondering why I had to share this story? See, I don't blog unless I have to message to send across to my friends. You think I'd rather sit here and type when I could actually be at a porn site surfing porn? You bet not. The moral of the story is this:
Never wake a man up in the early morning asking him if he wants to follow you shopping. What the hell are your girlfriends for? What the fuck are they doing? Frying hash browns? Pick up the phone and call them. Tell them you have a digicam so that you all can go out cam-whore, have a "Hey! You got hear anot? Anita kenna fuck by 45 elephants" gossip session, eat till your stomach bloats and later come ask us again if you look fat while getting something which you really don't need but want to since you have a cupboard with an extra space on top of all that rubbish that you already bought in 1800B.C but have never touched till now and most importantly, since your dad passed you extra cash anyway.
Just leave me alone. Really. I is need my beauty sleep. There are 3 things in live that is important for all men. (Ok, maybe just me)
1. Food. Never challenge me when I am hungry. Am very serious when I say this.
2. Sleep. Whether or not I have been sleeping for an ample 8 hours, doesn't matter. That gives you no right to wake me up. The 9th hour is just as important as the previous 8 hours.
3. See, I prefer more of the make-OUT topics rather than the make-UP topics. So yes, as you'd have guessed. The third important is of course sex. Call me whatever you want. It's just in the nature of men. Dun blame us. "Ellam Avan Seyal"
Enough said. I is ending here for now. And oh yea, remember the disclaimer at the beginning of this post telling you not to read if you're a women? This brings me to another point. Look at the title of my post for the answer. Adios.
1) You see too much red powder on his forehead which looks like an exclamation mark.
2) In every sentence, they mix up the word friends for members or dude for machi or your name for mike.
3) His sense of fashion disgusts you. [See, bell bottoms and see through netted shirts are the so called identification they sought. But try be updated coz tapered fever has hit yindians. Vast numbers of them are into tapered jeans now. But like all criminals leave behind some evidence, their caterpillar boots always gives them away.]
4) His tattoos are not in any way cool. Indians are animal lovers. Snakes, sparrows, tigers and eagles are the distinctive ones.
5) Her contact lens seems to remind you of traffic lights.
6) Their ears seem like an ear ring stand.
7) Staring is an outdoor sport. The one who stares longer is the bigger fuck of them both.
8) He does not make full use of his buttons. Here, the lesser the buttons, the bigger the 'mandeh' you are.
9) Her skirt seems like it was sewed to the body. In this scenario, the shorter the skirt, the bigger the 'pundek' you are.
10) They run a sex band shop on their hand.
11) He does not make full use of his buttons.
11) He isn't bright enough to come up with better pick lines but instead goes "Hi. Can make friends?" or "Excuse me, how do I get to Yishun Golden Village?"
12) He has the most outlandish of hairstyles and hair colours in which he in no way looks like he's cool.
13) He makes the front of his lorry look like a jungle with all that animal photos and greenery and the back of his lorry look like a soccer jersey with all that 21 and 24 and 369.
14) They try and run a 77 street on their neck.
15) He walks like his hands are dislocated from the body and his ass is about to erupt a swamp of excrete. [Note: This excludes me. I have a reason for my walk. Adios]
Labels: Anjadi, Identification, Indian, Tattoo
A Look Back At My Younger Days
1. Class monitors and prefects loved to say "You talk some more, I write your name ah!"
2. You were brushing your teeth with a mug in Primary school during recess time. You will stand by the sink with all your classmates beside you and brush your teeth with a coloured mug.
3. You know what SBC stands for.
4. You paid 40 cents for Chocolate or Strawberry milk every week in class.
5. You watched a very popular Malay dubbed Japanese drama on RTM1 about schoolgirls who possess powerful skills in volleyball called Meoro Attack.
6. You found your friends with pagers and handphone cool in secondary school.
7. SBS buses used to be non air-conditioned. Seats were made of wood and cushions were red. The big red bell gave a loud beep when pressed. There were colourful tickets for TIBS buses. The conductor would check for tickets by using a machine which punched a hole in the ticket.
8. Envelopes were given to you to donate to Sharity Elephant every Children's Day.
9. You've probably read Young Generation magazine. You'd know who Vinny the little vampire and Acai the constable are.
10. You were there when they first introduced MRT here. You went for the first ride with your parents and you would kneel on the seat to see the scenery.
11. Movie tickets used to cost only $3.50.
12. Gals were fascinated by Strawberry Short Cake and Barbie Dolls.
13. You learned to laugh like The Count in Sesame Street.
14. You longed to buy tidbits called Kaka (20 cents per pack) and Ding Dang (50 cents per box) that had a toy in it that changes every week. And also Ring pop where the lollipop is the diamond on the ring. Or even push pop for that matter.
15. You watched TV2 (aka Channel 10) cartoons because Channel 5 never had enough cartoons for you.
17. KFC used to be a high class restaurant that served food in plates and let you use metal forks and knives.
18. The most vulgar thing you said was asshole and idiot and the most extreme was 'super white' which you just couldn't bring yourself to saying the hokkien relative.
19. Catching was the 'in' thing and 'twist' was the magic word.
20. Your English workbooks were made of some damn poor quality paper that was smooth and yellow.
21. CDIS was your best friend.
22. The only computer lesson in school involved funny, 16 bit colour, characters walking about trying to teach you maths.
23. Water bottles were slinged around your neck and a must everywhere you go.
24. You loved to play soccer with small plastic balls in the basketball court. Mine came in the form of a rock or, even worse, coconuts coz my friends were so into Pele becoming a good footballer because he juggled and headed coconuts. But heck, now this how Singapore got a footballer.
25. Teng-teng, Batu Lesung, Chapteh, Hantam Bola and Zero Point were all the rage with the girls and boys.
26. Science was fun with the balsam and the angsana being the most important plants of our lives. Guppies and swordtail being the most important fishes.
27. Who can forget Ahmad, Bala, Sumei and John, eternalized in our minds from the textbooks?
Even Mr Wally & Mr. Yakki.
28. We carry out experiments of our own to get a badge for being a Young Scientist. I got hammered till I got all 12 badges.
29. Every children's day and national day, you either get pins or pens with Happy Children's Day 1993' or files with Happy National Day 1994' written on it.
30. In Primary six you had to play buddy for the younger kids like big sister and brother. I was with this beautiful Hindi gal. She was smokin'. (Now I'll have to pray my girlfriend ain't reading this)
31. We wore BM2000, BATA or Pallas shoes.
32. Your form teacher taught you maths, science and English.
33. The worksheets were made of brown rough paper of poor quality.
34. You went to school in slippers and a raincoat when it rained. And you always found a dry spot in the school to sit down and dry your feet and wear your dry and warm socks and shoes.
35. School dismissal time was normally around 1pm for the morning session and around 6pm for the afternoon session.
36. There would be spelling tests, dictations and mental sums to do almost everyday.
37. Your friends considered you lucky and rich if your parents gave you $3 or more for pocket money everyday.
38. You see Wee Kim Wee's face in the school hall.
39. You freaked out when the teacher told you to line up according to height and hold hands with the corresponding boy or girl.
40. You liked to catch fighting spiders.
41. Collecting and battling erasers was a pastime.
42. Autograph books were loaded with best wishes, "Forget Me Not", and small poems like "Bird fly high, hard to catch. Friend like you, hard to forget".
43. When something goes wrong, everyone would "HOR HOR" in harmony.
44. There were at least 40 people in one class.
45. Large colourful schoolbags were carried.
50. You brought every single book to school. Even though there was one thing called the timetable.
51. You were awarded stars whenever you got full marks for tests.
Labels: Younger Days
Yeaps. That's a cockroach. I'll be perfectly honest. I is afraid of them. Especially the flying ones. They make me pee where I'm standing. I seriously have no idea as to why they are surviving. They have totally no objective on earth. So the next time you see one, KILL IT! One that is left unharmed, will only mass mate and produce a million others. So save a lil' money and equip yourself with an insecticide. If needed, I'll buy you one. Rewards will be given to those who effectuate as stated. Meanwhile, since my only crawling fear is the cockroach, I present to you:
Fact: Most cockroach have 18 knees.
I Say: CCB, that's my fav number!
Fact: A cockroach can hold it's breath for 40 fucking, 'pain the in ass' minutes.
I Say: No wonder the 'flushing them down the toilet bowl' trick never works.
Fact: Cockroaches spend 75% of it's life resting.
I Say: Now, how lazy can these sluts get?
Fact: Some female cockroaches mate once and are pregnant for the rest of their lives.
I Say: I knew it! Must be the women la. Must be the women.
Fact: Young cockroaches need only a crack as thin as a 0.5mm wide to crawl into. Adult males can squeeze into a space of 1.6mm.
I Say: I is using nippon paint to cover up every single crack from now on.
Fact: Cockroaches can run up to three miles in an hour.
I Say: I is faster. I run at the speed of light when I see a cockroach.
Fact: Male cockroaches transfer sperm to females in a "gift-wrapped" package called a spermatophore when they're interested in the female. Some males cover the package in a protein-rich wrapping that the female can eat to obtain nutrients to raise her young.
I Say: Aww, so sweet. CHEE BAI! WHAT IS THIS? ROMANCE?
Cockroach Facts
Fact: Most cockroach have 18 knees.
I Say: CCB, that's my fav number!
Fact: A cockroach can hold it's breath for 40 fucking, 'pain the in ass' minutes.
I Say: No wonder the 'flushing them down the toilet bowl' trick never works.
Fact: Cockroaches spend 75% of it's life resting.
I Say: Now, how lazy can these sluts get?
Fact: Some female cockroaches mate once and are pregnant for the rest of their lives.
I Say: I knew it! Must be the women la. Must be the women.
Fact: Young cockroaches need only a crack as thin as a 0.5mm wide to crawl into. Adult males can squeeze into a space of 1.6mm.
I Say: I is using nippon paint to cover up every single crack from now on.
Fact: Cockroaches can run up to three miles in an hour.
I Say: I is faster. I run at the speed of light when I see a cockroach.
Fact: Male cockroaches transfer sperm to females in a "gift-wrapped" package called a spermatophore when they're interested in the female. Some males cover the package in a protein-rich wrapping that the female can eat to obtain nutrients to raise her young.
I Say: Aww, so sweet. CHEE BAI! WHAT IS THIS? ROMANCE?
Fact: There are 5000 species of cockroaches in the world.
I Say: Yikes! But they can be specified under one category anywhere- Disgusting.
I Say: Yikes! But they can be specified under one category anywhere- Disgusting.
Fact: A cockroach can live a week without its head.
I Say: Don't they like ever die in an instance?
Fact: Cockroaches can withstand a temperature as low as zero degree celsius.
I Say: Time to store them in my fridge.
Fact: A cockroach that has just shed its skin is white with black eyes.
I Say: What is called now? After casper the friendly ghost, we have with us now, cocksper the friendly cockroach.
I Say: What is called now? After casper the friendly ghost, we have with us now, cocksper the friendly cockroach.
All said and done. Just do me this favour. KILL EM'. Adios.
Labels: Cockroaches
Eshvanya:
1. I 'lau' your art pieces.
2. Soccer.
3. Purple. Must be the influence of your blog.
4. The cheerful character.
5. Black boots. Mariamman temple.
6. Mouse deer.
7. When will the braces go off?
Aarthi:
1. You have a blog that runs more like a forum which women can relate to. Good job.
2. Kick boxing.
3. Red.
4. The strong character.
5. Rashmi's 21st. Rocking the stage.
6. Lioness
7. Is you attached or is you dating?
Ah Neh:
1. Don't drink so much la.
2. Dance.
3. Black too. I like the 'violence' in you.
4. The good heart that you possess. Believe it or not, you have a heart of gold.
5. Orchard road fagging while two women were keeping us on the wait followed by the Kumar's club.
6. Black panther. Don't ask me why. I really don't know.
7. I shall ask two instead. Why is it that you don't dance? And where on earth is your liver?
Afroza:
1. You is one emotional child.
2. Get wild. For a day at least.
3. Blue.
4. The fact that you're understanding.
5. MSN with a lot of emotional topics in hand.
6. Koala bear. Always soft and harmless.
7. Why you always so emo one?
Click on image to enlarge.
The $500 (after membership rebate and GST) cake which I didn't get to eat. 
Meena, myself, birthday boy and Puvanes.
This is what I like about him. The love for his family and relatives.
Sanjiv wants my autograph. 
Yes yes. The emcee at work.
Sanjiv with his family.
Of course a lot of people turned up for his birthday but if I were to put up every photo, then this blog will be as laggy as dayu's blog. So, I'll end here. Adios.
Labels: 21st Birthday, Emcee, Sanjiv
Monday, December 25, 2006
I logged in to my mail today and I found something that made me scream. Thing is, I eat instant noodles every night just before I go to sleep. As a matter of fact, I just burped thanks to that "ready in 2 minute dough" that we all know very well. What you call that? Maggi Mee or something? Anyways, according to recent research, it seems that maggi mee causes cancer. I don't know how far it's true but, for once, I actually paid attention to this forwarded mail sent to me. And I don't really consider this a forwarded email. Reason being that it didn't contain the sentence "Please send it to million others and spoil their happiness. If not your grandmother will die of dengue fever." So I'll just consider this an email sent out of good will since it came from a very trustworthy source. Have a read for yourself. My remarks in italics.INSTANT NOODLES
Make sure you break for at least 3 days after one session of instant noodles before you eat your next packet! Please read the info shared to me by a doctor: My family stopped eating instant noodles more than 5 years ago after hearing about wax coating the noodles. The wax is not just found in the Styrofoam containers but it coats the noodles. This is why the instant noodles do not stick to each other when cooking. If one were to examine the ordinary Chinese yellow noodles in the market, one will notice that in their uncooked state, the noodles are oily. This layer of oil prevents the noodles from sticking together. Wanton noodles in their uncooked state have been dusted with flour to prevent them sticking together. When the hawker cooks the noodles, notice he cooks them in hot water and then rinses them in cold water before cooking them in hot water again. This process is repeated several times before the noodles are ready to be served. The cooking and rinsing process prevents noodles from sticking together. The hawker then lowers the noodles in oil and sauce to prevent the noodles from sticking if they are to be served dry. [I is keeping a close eye on that hawker who does my laksa the next time round. Fucker must have known that mee causes cancer. Gimme so much mee and very little cockles and chili not even spicy enough to make my nipples erect. CCB]
Cooking instructions for spaghetti require oil or butter to be added in the water when boiling the spaghetti to prevent the pasta from sticking together. Otherwise, one gets a big clump of spaghetti! There was an SBC (now TCS) actor some years ago, who at a busy time of his career had no time to cook, resorted to eating instant noodles everyday. He got cancer later on. His doctor told him about the wax in instant noodles. The doctor told him that our body will need up to 2 days to clear the wax. There was also an SIA steward who, after moving out from his mother's house and into his own house, did not cook but ate instant noodles almost every meal. He had cancer, and has since died from it. Nowadays the instant noodles are referred as "Cancer Noodles" [Fucking hell, I bombard 2-3 packets of noodles per day and now only they think of telling me all this? Which wax they use? The Gatsby one that comes in the red, green, blue or the black tube?? And how come no women die one? All talk about men only leh??]
SATAY LOVERS (BARBECUE)
If you all eat satay, don't ever forget to eat the cucumber, because eating Satay together with carbon after barbequing [Got such word in england meh?] can cause cancer. But we have a cure for that. Cucumber should be eaten after we eat the Satay because Satay has carcinogen (a cancer causing element) but cucumber is anti-carcinogenic. So don't forget to eat the cucumber the next time you have satay. Prawns & vitamin C do not get along. Do not eat shrimp/prawn if you have just taken vitamin C pills. This will cause you to die in arsenic intoxication within hours!! [See, this is a good news for someone who doesn't take vitamin C pills and is allergic to prawns.]
Pork awareness: Try this and see whether the pork you bought has worms. This goes with your "Bak Kut Teh" for those who love it. Most men [Again men?] love to eat this so watch out before it's too late. If you pour Coke on a slab of pork, wait a little while. You will see worms crawl out of it. A message from the Health Corporation of Singapore about the bad effects of pork consumption. [I am so gonna try this tomorrow morning.]
Pork awareness: Try this and see whether the pork you bought has worms. This goes with your "Bak Kut Teh" for those who love it. Most men [Again men?] love to eat this so watch out before it's too late. If you pour Coke on a slab of pork, wait a little while. You will see worms crawl out of it. A message from the Health Corporation of Singapore about the bad effects of pork consumption. [I am so gonna try this tomorrow morning.]
Pig's bodies contain many toxins, worms and latent diseases. Although some of these infestations are harbored in other animals, modern veterinarians say that pigs are far more predisposed to these illnesses than other animals. This could be because pigs like to scavenge and will eat any kind of food. Including dead insects, worms, rotting carcasses, excreta including their own, garbage, and other pigs. Influenza [This means flu, the 'cheem' version] is one of the most famous illnesses which pigs share with humans. These illnesses are harbored in the lungs of pigs during the summer month and tend to affect pigs and human in the cooler months.
Sausage contains bits of pigs' lungs, so those who eat pork sausage tend to suffer more during epidemics of influenza. Pig meat contains excessive quantities of histamine and imidazole compounds, which can lead to itching and inflammation, growth hormone which promotes inflammation and growth, Sulphur containing mesenchymal mucus which leads to swelling and deposits of mucus in tendons and cartilage resulting in arthritis and rheumatism. For example, Sulphur helps cause firm human tendons and ligaments to be replaced by the pig's soft mesenchymal tissues and degeneration of human cartilage.
Eating pork can also lead to Gallstones and Obesity, probably due to its high cholesterol and saturated fat content. The pig is the main carrier of the Taenie Solium worm, which is found in its flesh. These tapeworms are found in human intestines with greater frequency in nations where pigs are eaten. This type of tapeworm can pass through the intestines and affect many other organs, and is incurable once it reaches beyond a certain stage.
One in six people in the US and Canada has richinosis from eating trichina worms, which are found in pork. Many people have no symptoms to warm them of this, and when they do, they resemble symptoms of many other illnesses. These worms are NOT noticed during meat inspections. [Now I have a reason to laugh at my chinkies who make fun of how small my calves are and about how good pork is for the calf. Laugh la laugh. We'll see who'll panic tomorrow.]
SHAMPOO
Cancer-causing substances were found in shampoos. Go home and check your shampoo. Change before it's too late. Check the ingredients listed on your shampoo bottle, and see they have a substance by the name of Sodium Laureth Sulfate, or simply SLS. This substance is found in most shampoos. Manufacturers use it because it produces a lot of foam and is cheap. But, the fact is, SLS is used to scrub garage floors and it is very strong! It is also proven that it can cause cancer in the long run. This is no joke. [So from hereafter, I is breaking my own record. I is not gonna bathe for a month. Better not take the risk. Wait next month someone will tell me soap contains leukemia.]
Shampoos like Vo5, Palmolive, Paul Mitchell, L'Oreal, the new Hemp Shampoo from Body Shop contains the SLS substance. The first ingredient listed [which means it is the single most prevalent ingredient] in Clairol's Herbal Essences is Sodium Laureth Sulfate. Therefore, I called one company, and I told them their product contains a substance that will cause people to have cancer. They said "Yeah we knew about it but there is nothing we can do about it because we need that substance to produce foam." [I is safe. I use Pantene]
By the way, Colgate toothpaste also contains the same substance to produce the "bubbles". They said they are going to send me some information. Research has shown that in the 1980s, the chance of getting cancer is 1 out of 8000. Now, in the 1990s, the chances of getting cancer is 1 out of 3,which is very serious. Therefore, I hope that you will take this seriously and pass this on to all the people you know and hopefully we can stop giving ourselves cancer-causing agents. [Roger that, Sir]
Labels: Cancer, Instant noodles, Pandi, Pig, Pork, Satay
Heard about the guy who killed himself in the Yishun MRT incident? If you have not, then maybe you'd wanna click here to find out more. For those who know, if you're one who's looking to join in the manslaughter, then below is the map of the new circle line that's gonna open up soon. Pick your spot now and avoid disappointment before someone beats you to it.
Click on image to enlargeLabels: Circle Line, MRT
Labels: Advertisements
Hard Disk Girls: She remembers everything, forever.
Ram Girls: She forgets about you the moment you turn her off.
Window Girls: Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
Screen Saver Girls: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun.
Internet Girls: Difficult to access.
Server Girls: Always busy when you need her.
Multimedia Girls: She makes horrible things look beautiful.
CD-ROM GIRLS: She is always faster and faster.
E-mail Girls: Every ten thing she says, eight are nonsense.
Virus Girls: Also known as 'wife'. When you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you uninstall her, you will lose something. If you don't uninstall her, you will lose everything.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Found off a blog. A pretty interesting piece of writing I'd say. And if you liked what you're about to read, pay a visit to the blog here. And this lil' piece of story depicts my very own saying that goes:Wile now. We'll see who'll smile awhile later.
Anyways, the story, goes like this:
A bunch of smart MBA students about to give their final paper just got nicely drunk & did not study. Next day morning remorse filled them & they thought of a brilliant idea of fooling their dean to cover their absence.
They painted their hands & dresses with oil & grease &, with disheveled hair, they burst in the examination hall where the paper was going on. They painted a sob story of how their car developed a flat tyre the previous night on a desolate road & how they didn't get any help & had to rough out back to the campus which they reached just a few minutes earlier.
They pleaded for a re-exam after a few days. The dean said he was a reasonable man & he would give the re-exam after three days. The boys worked hard for the three days & went to the hall confidently. The dean explained that since this was an extraordinary request, the four students will give the examination from four different halls, the question paper being the same. The question paper was given to the four halls. It had 100 marks. The first question which had just 5 marks was simple. The second question which had 95 marks was:
"WHICH TYRE??"
Friday, December 22, 2006
So now, I have a valid reason to not update on time and save myself the questioning. I is a working adult. And to work 12 long, dull, boring hours at Motorola, ain't a joke. And yes, when I say Motorola, it's handphones that we're talking about.Work starts at 6.30pm and comes to an end a devastating 12 hours later. Basically, you play hide and seek with the sun. You go in when it's bright and come out when it's dark. It's a prisoner's life that I live these days. And owing to that, I hardly come online. Hardly enough time for phonecalls. And absolutely no time to slack.
I'm sorry if you've been trying to contact me but can hardly get through to me. When I am back from work, all I do is sleep and wake up just in time to rush for work and still be 5-10 minutes late. If you think you're game enough to try and still stay awake to blog or hang on the phone, I challenge you. It's gonna be eye swelling. I kid you not. Anything important, just leave me an email. I'll definitely get the message.
Anyways, I miss all my friends. I really do. I feel like I've been disconnected from the world. It's been so long since I slacked in my beloved St. George or really spent a good day with my girlfriend or even called my beloved cousin or Banu or Ah Neh or Madhu or any of my friends for that matter. I'll be working till the 31st of December. And keep yourselves free after that. Coz when I is in control of money, everything else gets uncontrollable.
On a more serious note, I wish to add that, I really love Saras (My cousin) alot. I have no sister but the only person to me who'll pass off as a sister would definitely be my darling Saras. Today she was happy to see me in MSN. We had a chat. End of the conversation, I was left with two things. One, a heavy heart for the next one week and the other, a glimpse of what kinda brother I would have been had I a sister.
I gotta agree that any sister would hate a over protective and naggy brother like me. After the chat with saras, I felt like I was a lil' too naggy and way too emotional. Too emotional for comfort and way too naggy for care. God knows if she knows how much I love her but I hope she understands that I do. Old enough she may be, but still a baby to me at any age. And by the way, you wouldn't want to have a naggy lil' brother like me. Here's why:
Saras: Praba!!!
Me: Hello baby! Watcha doing?
Saras: I gonna go Malaysia soon. Take care ok? Tell meena (my girlfriend) also.
Me: (Confused) When u going??
Saras: Soon.
Me: (In shock and with tension building up) Today??!
Saras: Haha. Yes. You have been so busy. You working at night right?
Me: (Pissed) Waaa!! Argh!! Yea, night shift.
Saras: I work in tekka everyday but this is why I don't call you. I don't want to disturb your sleep. Today no work for you?
Me: Today I took off la. Too tired. What time you leaving?
Saras: Hmm, between 7 to 8pm.
Me: Waaa. Then when you coming back?
Saras: I think in one week time!!!
Me: (In utter shock) WAAAAAAAAAA!!
Saras: Take care ok darling? Tell meena also.
Me: Sure. You too. But so long???
Saras: Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I'll miss you la assss!
Me: (Dejected) Me too. =(
Saras: =( You working everyday. No time lar.
Me: Yea most of the time will be at work only.
Saras: That's why!!!
Me: Which part of Malaysia you going to?
Saras: Genting Island.
Me: Nice place I heard.
Saras: Yea, but it's raining la.
Me: That's why! Why you going during the rainy season for? Will be difficult.
Saras: Plus it's super cold.
Me: Exactly!
Saras: And I got running nose somemore.
Me: (Worried as hell) Better bring along sweater and all ok?! And bring along flu medicine! And drink lots of water hor!!
Saras: Sure. And I'm scared I'll get sick la.
Me: I also fear the same thing. Drink warm water everyday ok? Good for health. You got flu medicine anot??!!
Saras: I guess so.
Me: Bring along just in case.
Me: You got sweater all not?
Saras: Got, but not so thick la. Normal one only. How ah?
Me: Then wear a shirt inside then wear the sweater always. Bring along a scarf just in case to cover your neck area. Make sure you wear shoes. Always wear thick socks. If slippers means your toes will be cold. And be careful with the people around there. I just don't like them. I don't want some weird fella swarming around my cousin. I will definitely slash him.
Saras: Sure, my darling brother!!! No worries, I will be safe.
Me: You will be. I am sure.
Saras: Ok my darling, I have to go now. You take care. I am sooooooooo gonna miss you. I don't know if I can call or message but will try ok? *Hugs* You take care.
After she left, I felt heavy for a while. I'll just have to hope that she's having a good time. My poor baby is leaving with the flu virus attacking her. Let's all pray that she'll be fine and come back with a very warm story to tell me.
When I blog, there has to be a reason. I don't just sign in to blogger and start typing till my fingers get tired while my mum keeps screaming for an explanation on why the internet bill shot up to $200 for nothing. So learn the lesson. Next time, say the words "I miss you" or "I love you" on time. I am so gonna miss my baby. And something has been bothering me on why all this while I couldn't have just picked up the phone and dialled her number to tell her how much I miss her. I am gonna be heavy for the next one week. Trust me. If someone means that much to you, pick up the phone and let them know how much they mean to you. Adios.
You are Indian if:
1. Everything you eat is savored in garlic, onion and tomatoes.
2. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminium foil.
3. You try to eject food particles between your teeth by pressing your tongue against them and making a peculiar noise which sounds like 'tshick tshick'.
4. You are standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the airport.
5. You arrive one or two hours late to a party and think it's perfectly normal.
6. You peel the stamps off letters that the postal service missed to mark up.
7. You recycle wedding gifts.
8. You name your children in rhythms. Example: Sita & Gita, Ram & Shyam.
9. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere close to their real names.
10. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says "No Food Allowed"
11. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someones house.
12. You load up the family car with as many people as possible.
13. You use plastic to cover anything new in your house whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch.
14. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think, but they won't let you do certain things because of what the other uncles and aunties will think.
15. You buy and display crockery, which is for special occasions, which never happen.
16. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.
17. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
18. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as possible.
19. Your kitchen shelf is full of jam jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils (Got free with some household items).
20. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (And travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).
21. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.
22. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
23. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old. (And they prefer it that way).
24. You don't use measuring cups when cooking.
25. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.
26. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or receive you whether you are travelling by bus, train or plane.
27. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose daughter has run away with whose son and feel proud to spread it at the velocity of more than the speed of light.
28. You only make long distance calls after 11pm.
29. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten even if it's midnight.
30. You call an older person you never met before 'uncle'.
31. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.
32. Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.
33. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them from getting dirty.
34. It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people.
35. All your Tupperware is stained with food color.
36. You have drinking glasses made of steel.
And lastly, this I think applies perfectly for my mother.
37. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping.Labels: Indian
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
I have a friend called Michelle. I have to admit, her poems are off the hook. I don't in any way come close to a poet but am sure as hell someone who appreciates a good poem when I read one. Now, if it's one good poem that I've read, I'd just read it for myself and move on. But if it's a blog full of wonderful poems, then I definitely have to share the joy with others. And it's so sad that the blogs that we're addicted to and always want to read, are hardly updated on time. This women hardly blogs. But, when she does, she keeps me rooted to my chair. Below is an extract from her blog. When you're done reading it and you're hooked and want more, then it's time to read all, here.
For the Love of You
Here I stand before you, without a shield-
Like a child left in an open field.
To drop my defences, down by my clothes,
I bare you my soul, with my skin exposed.
My skin is flawed with the marks you leave.
And in these scars, are my reasons to live.
With every tender touch, and every soft kiss,
You imprint on me, a state of bliss.
And on my heart, you leave an engraving,
Of your name, like the one inside my ring.
In taking that blind leap of faith, with no safety net,
I would plunge over and over with no regret.
'Cause I'd rather feel the heartache through and through,
Than to never feel what it's like to be loved by you.
Here I stand before you, without a shield-
Like a child left in an open field.
To drop my defences, down by my clothes,
I bare you my soul, with my skin exposed.
My skin is flawed with the marks you leave.
And in these scars, are my reasons to live.
With every tender touch, and every soft kiss,
You imprint on me, a state of bliss.
And on my heart, you leave an engraving,
Of your name, like the one inside my ring.
In taking that blind leap of faith, with no safety net,
I would plunge over and over with no regret.
'Cause I'd rather feel the heartache through and through,
Than to never feel what it's like to be loved by you.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
I is working 12 hour shifts from now till the 31st of December. Don't expect too much from this blog. I might update only once in a blue moon. Meanwhile, some worthwhile blogs to look at apart from the ones we already are so fond of.Read Nalinee here.
Read Ket here.
Read Shree here.
And on a personal note, I is anticipating the opening of my cousin's blog. I will link her up as well as put up a post when she has eventually done up everything. Blogging is like a family thing these days. I just love this whole idea. And to those who aren't sure of who my darling cousin is, the picture below will serve as the answer.
If you tag me about this post I'll :
1. respond with something random about you.
2. challenge you to try something.
3. pick a colour that I associate with you.
4. tell you something I like about you.
5. tell you my first/clearest memory about you.
6. tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
8. You must post this on yours
So you have till tomorrow to tag and I'd comment about all you who tag saying you want me to do the above. In return, you gotta post this on your own blog. Simple and sweet. Adios.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
I never did quite believe in horoscopes and astrologies. I was chatting with a friend of mine in MSN when she started talking to me about my horoscope. Quite interesting how she could just tell it all without much reference to my character. What she thought was that she was predicting my character using my horoscope. What she doesn't know is that it's actually numerology and not astrology. And just in case you do palm reading, refer to picture above and email me your predictions. (Picture includes both right and left palms just in case) I find these kinda things amusing. Plus, it'll be a good read. Adios.
Labels: Astrology
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Found off a website and on Ah Neh's blog. Rules for Women. (Please note: These are all numbered "1" on purpose!)1) Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1) Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1) Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1) Crying is blackmail. (So is withholding sex)
1) Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1) Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1) If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1) If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1) If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1) You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1) Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1) ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1) If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1) If we ask what is wrong and you say "Nothing," we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1) Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as soccer, yesterday's sex, or cars.
1) You have enough clothes.
1) You have too many shoes.
1) I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1) Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
And from hereafter, female MSN contacts beware. Ask anything that is mentioned above= Block + Delete. Adios.
Labels: Women
| Your IQ Is 115 |
 Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Exceptional Your General Knowledge is Above Average |
Labels: IQ Tests
Find your own pose by clicking here!
Ever wondered what your sleeping position is? Mine is called the seatbelt. Find out yours.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
The Ape To Man And Vice Versa Evolution
Prior to contrary believe, not all men dislike haircuts. I love haircuts. My mum knows damn sure that when I come out of the barber's shop, she'll definitely have to speak with me in private. She always prepares for a big heart attack when I say "Ma, I need $10. Wanna cut hair leh!" The only time my mum feels left out in 'bitching sessions' with my aunts is when they complain on how my cousins don't go for a haircut. Not knowing that, here, my mum is wishing my hair will not grow. Recently, not that long ago, I went for a haircut. The latest haircut is a Mohawk. (Yes yes, I is a lil' outdated) And I was looking back at my younger days. Everyone who knew me knew I was always up to something funky. And yea, I've lived up to it. It was always something different each time. Sad to say, the most fanciest of hairstyles I've adorned, I've not taken a snap of. Darn it! If you were from my secondary school, you'd know what an ovation my hair received. If you have, or know any in possession of my graduation night photos, please put me through to them. Much appreciated. Meanwhile, I'll just put up the ones which have.
It started off like this. The bloke who was in his lower secondary school days. Thinking back at it, I really don't understand how it didn't occur to me that having a baby face which doesn't compliment the piercing only makes you look more ape than human. Tsk tsk. (And don't even think for a second that I don't know you're poking fun at my ears. Rascals! ) 
And like it always is in your secondary school days, the 'I think I'm so cool' paraiah in you that unleashes itself. Mine came in the form of barb wires on my head.
Ever heard a student say "Ma, I finished my O' levels already. I gonna cut my hair short now kay?" Cannot be one rite? It's a trend to nicely fuck up your hair at some stage of your life. Mine came then. Having finished my O's, the Michael Jackson in me had to rip its way out at the expense of my hair. Don't blame me. It's just a small false hope that someone'll sleep with me translating long hair to longer *aherm* And this is the point in time when people called me 'Kudumi Jackson'.
No no, I wasn't scratched by dogs at the side. This is the result of two things. One is not having enough money. And two, the lack of will power. See, a long hair is like a girlfriend. How could you possibly have the heart to part when you think back at all those times you used to dig your ear with your hair rather than your fingers? All those bright pink hairbands you bought for it. All those pokemon rubberbands you used to tie your hair with. All those Pantene shampoo you used to steal from Guardian just to soak your hair in. So what actually happened is, I wanted to cut short BUT I changed my mind halfway. Don't try this at home coz 'Results Could Be Spastic'. 
This, I need to explain. The reason why I cut my hair, is to avoid complications. In most households, whenever there is a long strand of hair on the floor or magically in the food, it's always the women who're blamed for. In my house, whenever there is a long strand of hair misplaced, a call will go straight to my dad. And that too, is to complain about my hair being in places it shouldn't actually be at. 
Last, but not least, the evolution from ape to human and then from human to ape has been fully made a reality. The latest 'injured' Mohawk. Adios.Labels: Hairstyles
The Joy Of Having A Grandmother
Sadly, it's not everyday that we can 'jack' our fathers. But IF you ever get the chance, blog about it and show the whole blogger world what a maestro you are. For example, something that happened today like this:
Dad: I heard you came back home smelling of cigarettes and beer yesterday?
Me: Cannot be la. I don't smoke already what. And how can I possibly drink when the person who is supposed to gimme my allowance doesn't do it on time?
Dad: *Assuming that I did indeed drink and smoke* You teenagers these days don't know how to do something beneficial. Always wasting money by smoking and drinking. Wasting life away.
Me: Aiya, the age is such mah. Just blame it on the teenagers age la. Bo pian what pa.
Dad: I don't understand why both you boys (me and my bro) can't be like me when I was your age.
Me: Eh, that's not what I heard what. According to paati (grandmother), the story is a lil' different leh. Weren't you that boy who was always hammered by his dad because he was always caught drinking and smoking? Worst still, always wasn't at home because he was out with alot of girls?
Dad: *picks up the phone to call my grandmother*
Labels: Dad, Grandmother
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Tell you what. If you don't like my MSN nick, do it the easy way.1) Click Tools.
2) Then click Options.
3) Following that, click Privacy.
4) Find my name from the Allow List.
5) Click on my name and send me to the Block List.
For the more advanced unlike the computer illiterate me, open my conversation window, then click the "Block Contact" option.
Adios.
Labels: MSN
Monday, December 04, 2006
Today was a day spent chatting with friends whom I've been hardly keeping in contact with. I apologize for missing in action. From today onwards, I will dedicate my time to friends. Call me up. We'll hang out. And for today's post, I will show the blogger world how calculative my friend Shree is.Shree: Today was my interview and I asked them about resigning. 3 day's notice. After I get a better job, will run away.
Me: Four people like you enough. Company will close down.
Shree: I'll explain. $1200 - 20% CPF equals to $960. Student fare for me one trip down is 90 cents. 24 days a week is $21.60. Food there is expensive. Say about $4. That's $96. Leaves me with $842.40. Shree is sad.
Me: I really think you should resign your current job and become an accountant.
Labels: Shree
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Weeks back, I received the second most unwelcomed letter with the exception of the enlistment letter. Which, of course, happens to be the medical letter. Not the most important of letters, in terms of personal ranks, to be placed on your table. So now we have it. I is gonna go for my medical check up on the 26th of December.
Heading for the national service is like a 2 year imprisonment for any man. The idea of national service is to ensure that we are physically and mentally prepared in times of war. But are you sure that's gonna be the case? (pun intended) And the following are top reasons why I shouldn't be in the army:
1) Food ain't good. I need more meal time than training. Good solid ones. Maybe specially catered from 'Sakunthala's restaurant'. I'd prefer with ample of 'apalams' in it. And I prefer drinks like gatorate. H2O ain't good enough officer.
2) I don't believe in pull ups or push ups. The only push ups I believe in is bras. When it boils down to a war, noone is gonna be doing a stone cold stunner or a rock bottom or a tombstone piledriver. We is issued weapons. I jus believe in pulling the trigger.
3) I don't like the colour of the boots. I was a footballer and I was sponsored a bright 'tell it your face' kinda red and white boots. The army boots are as black as me. And by the way, you gimme such heavy boots, how the hell am I supposed to navigate around? The boots probably weighs as much as me!
4) I is all hip hop and R'n'B. You mean you don't have any 'tzai tzai' uniforms? And I prefer bandanas to helmets. The closest thing you could come to hip hop is just a dog tag? Tsk.
5) I prefer the photo of me in my pink I.C rather than the bald me in my 11B.
6) Me is don't like the hairstyle. How can I be botak? Ask those who know me. My ears protrude out more than usual for my own comfort.
7) Who the hell said I am gonna fight in a war?? Are you bonkers? I sprint faster than U.K Sham when I see a cockroach and you want me to fight in a war where there is a possibility of me dying? Where those women who talked about equal rights went to? Catch them!
Adios.
Labels: NS
