Rough Rhymes

Friday, October 27, 2006

Since everyone is seemingly crying over the Miss Vasantham road to final, much more than the participants themselves it seems, I thought I'd do justice by turning the attention to the SMSes that are being sent while the show goes on.

What's uglier than the host himself, as well as rafi's stolen shades, is actually the SMSes that are sent simultaneously while the show is aired on television. It's during shows like this that we really separate the Indians that are far better off, financially, than us. Else, plain stupid. Just so that the mathematically declined know, each SMS that you send costs $2. The normal SMSes are at 5 cents each. So mathematically, you could have sent 40 of the same SMS to the person that you intended it to. Why waste money when that $2 could have been topped up with another 10 cent to purchase an ice cold Breda beer from 7-11?

Once again, praba jumps into the scene of the crime. All just so that the next time Rafi appears on screen, and for the fact that I feel nauseous when I do look at him, I'll be able to look at the SMS board and see something heart warming that reads "Hey guys, did you see Rafi appear in keling killahs? That was hilarious!" instead of stuff that go "Hey sexy sambar, how you doing?" which never fails to get me going with the 'tsk' sound.

And if you don't want others to be looking at the SMSes you send and start nudging their mates to tell them something that goes "Hey take a look at this guy's SMS. Just as stupid as him. Hehehe", then don't do the following. Here are ways to save your blushes.

1) The first thing praba notices when he actually casts his eyes on the SMS board is the amount of 'da' the guy uses to address a girl. We get the message that you're a manmatha kunji but who the fuck are you smsing it to? Brandy? Cut out the 'da'. And by the way, whether your 'da' means to be rude or romantic, we don't wanna see it on TV. My grandmother gets 'bitchfits' when she sees such things.

2) See, if your father/mother/brother/sister/aunty/dog is celebrating a birthday, call them personally to wish them. We have a more than necessary number of raj's and bala's in singapore. Each and every one of them are gonna look at your sms and think that it's intended for the other. So make it direct. Call them and say "Dei macha, happy birthday da. Tonight Raagawoods ah?" And being just a lil' curious, what's with wishing one year olds? You mean they understand?

3) Yes my friend, we all know the devadas that you are at heart. But why let the whole of Singapore know you've broken up with your 'traffic light of a contact lens' girlfriend? If there's that much honesty and sincerity, call them. I bet they'd appreciate your sincerity. Why make yourself look stupid live on tv?

4) If you think that someone you met at a club is cute, approach them the next time for their number. Don't send in SMSes like "Hey Loosu Pennae, why didn't u come to ashoka yesterday? I think you're quite hot." What's loose pennae supposed to be? Her I.C number? How the fuck is she gonna know it's her that you're talking about. We have a vast number of loosu pennu roaming in yishun. Just pluck up the courage to approach them when you see them the next time round. Oh yea, on a personal note, did you mean loosu pennae or 'loose' pennae?

5) Stop SMSing stuff like "Hey sharmen, you look good" He's hosting a live television show while you're sending that SMS. What's the point of sending it when it doesn't reach the intended person? The closest person to sharmen who'll read it, is his wife. You want his number, call me. I'll give it to you. You can start sending him mushy voice messages and we'll broadcast it as the second scandal case in Keling Killahs.

6) See, we don't care if you're having muscle crams or menstrual crams but we sure can't and don't want to do anything about it. It would have been more futile had you sent that message to GH. You wouldn't like it if someone SMSed something like "Hey viewers, I'm now playing with my used tampons and there's this jelly like thing in it. You wanna see? MSN me at Ihaf2muchmoney2throw@waste.com"

7) Let me end off with a KLKlassic example. One sent in which reads: "My darling wife, I love u da chellam! You looked so damn good and sexy yesterday. Can't take my eyes off you. Miss u so much! U are one sexy, hot babe!" Now I ask this: You mean you want the whole world to know that you're horny? (Kudos to ket for keeping watch fimly on the SMS board)

All said and done. Come finals, 8 will fight it out. But only one will be in the spotlight. One will outshine the others. Make the finals worth watching. Coz my mum uses watching Miss Vasantham as a good excuse to take a good nap. My best wishes to the finalist.

P.S: And after you have emerged victorious, don't be a bitch by ignoring your old friends/well wishers. (And it always happens coz people suddenly think they're god) Peace.

Praba - 10:18 AM 0 comment(s)

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