Sunday, May 28, 2006

Sun TV- Part 1

No rhymes. No lung tearing languages. As promised to a friend. Now, If you're a chinese or a Malay, you'd probably wanna scroll down coz you ain't gonna understand a damn thing. Let's get started. Sun TV. The terrorizing channel in the hearts of Indian teenagers who'd rather switch to channel 20 (MTV) to see some ang mo's shaking that thang. Let me start off my giving you a glimpse of my mum's daily activity.

0800hrs-0900hrs: Switch on television and the scv set up box. Channel is 2929.29% guaranteed to be in channel 29. Watch Indian men and women scream their voices out while hiding behind coconut trees.

0900hrs-1900hrs: TV gets a good rest. Why? Coz mum's at work and only returns at 1900hrs. But it sure knows the hell of a ride it's gonna go through in the night. Enjoy now. Suffer later.

1900hrs- Eternity: Mum comes back home and switches on tv to shed teardrops. Lies on the sofa while standing up god knows how many times to take up-close looks at the suspense that's about to unveil. And just when the suspense is about to be unveiled, 20 mins of advertisement will take up the time and when we finally return to the serial with enthusiasm, flashed in size 20 fonts will be the words, "To Be Continued"

I dun understand what's got my mum so indulged in sun tv. For a 30 minute serial, there's a 20 minute advertisement. I wonder where they get so much of things to advertise about. Whatever you can think of, they have. Sometimes I wonder if they advertise what they make or if they make something just to advertise. Remaining 10 minutes for the drama. 3 mins for names of producers, their father's name, brother's name, sister's name, sister's ex-husband's landlord's name and etc. while playing some totally out of this earth, ying meets yang with a bang music. And when they finally get on with it, you'd probably see 5 minutes being wasted for the actor removing his shoes, socks, pants, shirt and not forgetting the traditional blue and white boxers or how the Indians say it "lungigals". Another 3 minutes is wasted when the actor makes a special turn with sound effects. That is a must in the Indian movie industry. In India, no sound equals to no sales. The number of times he turns his head to face the camera, well done mate. I'd probably sprain my neck if I did that that many times. So you'd get 2 mins of thrash talking in that whole 30 minutes of shit. And in that 2 minute, my mum sheds so much tears that I can water my plants.

My mum often forgets that she's in Singapore. Whether or not she watches local news to find out about daily happenings, she'd definitely know if that giraffe from the zoo in that small village in Bombay has given birth to a baby boy or gal. Whether or not karunanithi changed his glasses from that trademark thick black frames to frameless Oakley glasses or even contact lens. She'd probably know the colour too. And my mum knows so much about Indian political news that she'll put any Indian journalist to shame. Don't pray pray hor!

We all know Indians are great liars but to play a movie 100 times a year and repeatedly say "For the first time in Indian television history" is a bit too much. Who the fuck are you tryin to kid?????? Don't think you can nicely display your mama drama tricks in the "cycle gap"

They say that Indians exaggerate a lot. If you watch sun tv, point is well proven. They haf a 1000 episodes. Let me give u an example. One man pulls out a gun to fire. Another pulls out a gun to fire back. And jus when you hear a gunshot, without having a clue as to who got shot and the camera is only focusing on the bullet that's traveling at the speed of a millipede having menses, they wrap up the show. And that's it. Show ends. End of episode one. All this stretched over 255 episodes before they finally reveal the injured man's face. And don't you dare think all is over. We still haf yet to see the family crying in the hospital. Based on the actor's capability, it could be stretched till episode 999 before death befalls him on the 1000th episode and that's it. Case closed. Amen. Good night.

They say Indians are emotional people. My mum is a living example. Sun tv bastards are smart people. They confuse the fuck outta you till the next episode is telecasted. Why? So that you will watch the next episode and get even more confused for the following one. When someone dies in a serial, it can make my mum so sad that she will call me when I am chatting in msn to tell me what had happened. She probably knows it goes in one ear and comes out the same ear but she still does. And yea, crying is a must in every serial. Whether you choose to cry whacking your chest or head, it's all up to your ability. The more capable ones will do moonwalk lying down. My mum will make a hundred meter dash from work to reach home in time to watch them all cry as a family. And the best part, my mum joins them. Neva will I ever ask my mum for anything when she's watching teary scenes. It will silently mean no food and money.

Part two will be out soon. Advertisements will be attacked with vengeance.

Labels: Sun TV