Saturday, March 20, 2010
You know, I was looking through the dictionary hours back to get in touch with words that seem so ancient to me now compared to back then. Army makes a person stupid. It's evident. I can't help it. Anyhow, have you ever wondered who invented the dictionary? And how he had to memorize so much words to write down and explain the meaning for? That's a tough piece of shit I kid you not. But of course, as much as he did his best, he conveniently left out a few words. And he left out words so obvious that sometimes when I see people doing something, I wouldn't know how to explain it to my friends what they were doing. Coz there are no words in english to explain what they are doing. So, let's make things simple. Let's unword them. Like this:Alcological [Al-co-low-gi-cal]a. (adj) Things that seem logical only after consuming large amounts of alcohol.
Disconfect [Dis-kon-fect]a. (v.) To sterilize a piece of candy that dropped on the floor by blowing it. This is perfectly useful for my mum.
Baldage [Bal-dayge]a. (n.) The accumulation of hair in the drain after showering. Especially for my mum.
Abandick [Ab-an-dig]a. (v.tr.) To leave a man in the middle of sex just because you think you're going too far cause you're Singapore's most innocent girl and a family throne, causing him to be left behind in frustration and physical discomfort.
Benefriend [Ben-e-ffrr-end]a. (n.) A so-called friend with whom one partakes in devious activities, often stereotyped as sexually immoral acts, without fear of ruining the friendship and without any commitment. A friend with benefits if you ask me. [Please do ask me actually!]
Elecelleration [El-a-cel-ayshun]n. The mistaken notion that the more faster and harder you press the buttons in the lift, the faster it'll arrive.
Frust [Fr-ust]n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept into the dustpan and keeps backing a person across the rooms until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
Neonphancy [Ne-on-pan-cy]n. A floresant light bulb struggling to come to life.
Phonesia [Fo-ne-zia] The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting who we are calling just as they answer.
Kidiot [Key-di-ot]a. (n.) A highly annoying kid.
Nipply [Nip-li]a. (adv.) Condition caused by a cold room, excitement or fear.
Camouflush [Cam-oh-flush]a. (n.) The unnecessary flushing of a public restroom toilet to mask embarrassing bodily sounds.
Decompliment [De-kom-ple-ment]a. (v.) To immediately insult someone after complimenting them, thereby rendering the compliment void.
Brunch [Brun-ch]a. (n.) A meal taken on behalf of the missed breakfast and lunch.
Fagnostic [Fag-nos-tik]a. (n.) Someone who refuses to admit they are gay or lesbian even though everyone else around them knows that they are.
Chillaxing [Chill-axe-ink] a. (v.tr.) Actively chilling and relaxing; Taking things easy; Staying cool.
Hiccaburp [Hik-ka-burp] a. (v.) To uncontrollably and simultaneously hiccup and burp.
Unfhair [Un-fare]a. (adj.) Marked by the ability to grow hair on one's ears, nose, the back of one's neck, on one's back or on one's rear, but not on the top of one's own head.
Zipcuff [Zeep-kaf]a. (v.) To be trapped in one's trousers by a faulty zipper.
Fresh out from the army, I is looking for a job. And trust me, it ain't that easy to find. Especially when I am trying to find a job that is flexible. What adds fuel to fire, is the fact that I am indian. What adds kerosene to fuel is the fact that I'm the kind of inidan who prays and NEEDS to visit the temple more than I visit the toilet. Let's face the fact. Unlike YOU, I visit the temple everyday. If I'm gonna be working shift jobs, it's gonna eat up the amout of time I visit the temple or go for bhajans. I was looking through the papers today when I saw all kinds of job advertisements. Now, do you really think they mean what they say? I'll tell you what they really mean.
Keyword: Competitive salary.
What they mean: They remain competitive by paying you less than their competitors.
Keyword: Join our fast-paced company.
What they mean: They have no time to train you.
Keyword: Casual Work Atmosphere
What they mean: They don't pay enough to expect that you dress up.
Keyword: Some over-time required.
What they mean: Some every nights and some every weekends.
Keyword: Duties will vary
What they mean: Anyone in the workplace can boss you around.
Keyword: Must have an eye for details.
What they mean: They have no quality assurance.
Keyword: Career minded.
What they mean: Female applicants must be childless. [And remain that way]
Keyword: Apply in person.
What they mean: If you're too old, fat or ugly, you'll be told that the position is filled.
Keyword: Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience.
What they mean: You'll need it to replace the other 3 people who just quit.
Keyword: Problem-solving skills a must.
What they mean: You're walking into a perpetual chaos.
Keyword: Requires team leadership skills.
What they mean: You'll have the responsibilities of a manager. [Without the pay and respect]
Keyword: Good communication skills
What they mean: Management communicates, you listen. And figure out what they want and do it.
Keyword: Good time management skills
What they mean:You'll be 3 months behind time when you start work.
Keyword: Bilinguals preferred.
What they mean:You must be a chinese person who speaks chinese. Doesn't matter if you're an indian who can speak chinese. You must be chinese.
Labels: Jobs
Sunday, May 17, 2009
It's about time what I started came to an end. The end is now I guess. I've had a hell of a time blogging and I think this blog has went places and back. Made me know more people. And change some people's life in some way or another- good or bad. Blogging's a good way to distress if you ask me. Anyhow, I won't be blogging anymore. If you were one of those who read and enjoyed it, I appreciate it. If you were one of those who read and teared, I LOVE IT! I've made my mark while I was still around. It's about time I concentrate on real proper things. With love, and as how I always love to say it, A-D-I-O-U-S!Wednesday, April 22, 2009
If there was anything at all I could return the man who made me, it would be nothing more than myself. And come december, you will see the last of this blog and the old Praba you knew. Come the end of this year or the early 2010, Praba's gonna convert to a Brahmin. And he's becoming a priest. This is the longest ever dream I've had and finally the puzzle pieces have been put together. I am now getting ready for the transformation. You get ready for the disappearance.Labels: Priest
Friday, April 10, 2009
Plus points. Very important factors when it comes to courting. You know, the distance men go just to date a girl, sometimes disgust me. Why bother doing so much? I will never understand this bullshit but hey, since I am the ever suggesting Praba, here we go on plus points.The Flowers:
You go out to buy her flowers [+5 points]
But return with beer [-10 points]
And lipstick marks all over your face [-15 points]
The Protective Boyfriend:
You check out a suspicious noise at night [+5 points]
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing [0 points]
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something [+10 points]
You pummel it with a sledgehammer [+15 points]
It's her cat [-50 points]
Social Engagements:
You stay by her side the entire party [+5 points]
You stay by her side awhile and then leave to chat with a drinking buddy [-5 points]
Named Siti [-10 points]
Who is a strip dancer [-15 points]
And has implants [-20 points]
And her G-string showing [-50 points]
Saturday Afternoons:
You visit her parents [+5 points]
You visit her parents and actually make conversation [+10 points]
You visit her parents and stare at the TV blankly [-10 points]
And the television is off [-15 points]
Her Birthday:
You take her out for dinner [+5 points]
You take her out for dinner and it's not a sports bar [+10 points]
You give her a gift [+15 points]
You give her a gift and it's a small appliance [-10 points]
You give her a gift and it's not a small appliance [+15 points]
You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months [+30 points]
You wait till the last day and then buy her a dress at the last minute [-10 points]
With her credit card [-30 points]
And whatever you buy is two sizes too big [-100 points]
Thoughtfulness:
You forget to pick her up from the bus stop [-10 points]
Which is in Tuas [-20 points]
And it happens to be raining that day [-30 points]
And her dress gets damaged because of all this [-50 points]
A Night Out With Your Friends:
You have a few beers [-5 points]
For every bear after 3am [-5 points for each glass]
And miss curfew by an hour [-10 points]
you get home at 5am [-20 points]
You get home at 5am smelling of beer and cigarettes [-30 points]
And not wearing pants [-50 points]
And is that her panties? [-200 points]
A Night Out. Just The Two Of You:
You see a comedian [+5 points]
He's crude and sexist [-10 points]
You laugh [-20 points]
You laugh too much [-30 points]
She's not laughing [-40 points]
You laugh harder [-50 points]
Driving:
You lose the direction on a trip [-5 points]
You lose the direction and end up getting lost [-10 points]
You end up getting lost in Yishun 925 [-15 points]
And you end up confronting the anjadis there [-20 points]
She finds out you lied about having a black belt [-50 points]
Communication:
When she talks, you listen displaying a concerned expression [+20 points]
When she talks, you listen for over 30 minutes [+25 points]
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV [+30 points]
All this is because you've fallen asleep [-50 points]
Labels: Dating, Men, Plus Points, Women
Thursday, April 09, 2009
You know, the gender war between men and women will NEVER end. It's just how nature is. I will never get along with any girl. I just somehow get put off at some time. And so will they. It's just not me to click with a girl. And they too, on the other hand, will never understand me. And I don't need them to actually. Sometimes, things are better left unsaid and untouched. But I will answer basic questions. The ever honest me.Q: Why are men such jerks?
A: It's in the testosterone. Much similar to your PMS thingy. We men suffer from testosterone poisoning. Why do you think the average life span of a male is typically 10 years shorter? [And it's not just from all the bitching and nagging we have to endure] Hormones modify behaviour. We're just misunderstood.
Q: Why do men always have to ogle at other women?
A: Again, this is a testosterone thingy. Do you honestly think all that testosterone fell off from our bodies the moment we met you? Besides, women do it as well. Women are just better at not getting caught. It's some sort of photographic memory deal. Women take one quick look and memorise it for later reference. Since men lack this ability, we tend to stare longer and as much as we can to try and burn this into our memory.
Q: Why do men always touch themselves, especially in public?
A: We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make him happy. It's much like adjusting your bra. Being in public just doesn't give me the excuse to not adjust him. It's uncomfortable you know?
Q: Why do men always say such stupid things?
A: We like to. It's actually a whole lot of fun to see you women get frustrated by a few simple [and well chosen] words.
Q: Why are men so uncommunicative?
A: So that you learn to shut that big fat mouth of yours too if you always get into trouble by opening it and saying the wrong stuff.
Q: Why do men have to act such retards?
A: Actually we don't have to. We do it because we enjoy it.
Q: Why can't men just share their feelings?
A: Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to understand that men and women are different? How are we supposed to share how we feel when we have no idea on how we feel? Unless you're talking about a brick landing on my head from the 30th storey, I have no idea how I feel.
Q: Why can't men just say "I love you"?
A: Men are taught from tender young age to be self sufficient. To say that we love you is equivilent to saying that we need you. Most men consider this a character fault. It's not easy to admit one's character fault, is it?
Q: Why do men say "I love you" when they barely a women?
A: Haha! Aren't you supposed to be special? Some men consider this a special way of saying that you're special. And some think it's a sure fire way to get into your pants. [And quite surprisingly, it still works. Ho ho ho]
Q: Why doesn't a man sometimes answer a women?
A: We simply don't have the energy to answer every single one of your stupid questions. If we think we do not have the answer or that you will not like the answer, we will keep quiet and preserve the energy for other things.
Q: Why do men just fart out loud and not maintain it on the low?
A: Actually, I was doing up a post on farts. I will release it on a later date but the reason why we fart is to show that we're comfortable with you. Believe it or not, it's a sign of affection. [Besides, holding it back for hours causes stomach cramps]
Q: Why do men hate shopping?
A: This, I need to badly answer. It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We just want to go out, kill it and bring it back. Who the hell wants to spend hours to look at things we don't intend to buy? Besides, what the fuck are your female friends for?
Labels: Gender Fights, Men, Women
Wednesday, April 01, 2009
It's in the human nature to believe that the worst, only happens to them. Nothing peculiar. Always happens. Everyone's guilty of it. But, you'll never know. As listed below, things could be a lot worse actually.Bad: Your vibrator is missing
Worse: Your daughter borrowed it
Bad: You find a porn CD inside your son's room
Worse: You're in it
Bad: Your children are sexually active
Worse: With each other
Bad: Your husband's a cross dresser
Worse: He looks better than you
Bad: Your son's involved in satanism
Worse: As the sacrificial
Bad: Your wife's leaving you
Worse: For another women
But sometimes the good don't last. Like this:
Good: Hot outdoor sex
Bad: You're arrested
Worse: By your husband
Bad: The secretary said 'yes'
Worse: But your wife says 'no'
Good: The teacher likes your son
Bad: Sexually
Worse: He's gay
Good: You came home for a quickie
Bad: So did your neighbour
Good: Your boyfriend's exercising
Bad: So that he can fit into your clothes
Good: Your child's waiting for the prince in shinning armour
Bad: Your son that is.
Good: Your wife's kinky
Bad: With the neighbours
Worse: All of them
Ah damn! Now I am convinced fate has it's cruel jokes. So long!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
I missed this out thanks to someone whose com just got their MSN fixed recently. Tsk tsk. [Not you Sandhya] Anyways, here goes.
Labels: Thaipusam 2009, Videos
