Saturday, March 20, 2010

Wordplay

You know, I was looking through the dictionary hours back to get in touch with words that seem so ancient to me now compared to back then. Army makes a person stupid. It's evident. I can't help it. Anyhow, have you ever wondered who invented the dictionary? And how he had to memorize so much words to write down and explain the meaning for? That's a tough piece of shit I kid you not. But of course, as much as he did his best, he conveniently left out a few words. And he left out words so obvious that sometimes when I see people doing something, I wouldn't know how to explain it to my friends what they were doing. Coz there are no words in english to explain what they are doing. So, let's make things simple. Let's unword them. Like this:


Alcological [Al-co-low-gi-cal]a. (adj) Things that seem logical only after consuming large amounts of alcohol.


Disconfect [Dis-kon-fect]a. (v.) To sterilize a piece of candy that dropped on the floor by blowing it. This is perfectly useful for my mum.


Baldage [Bal-dayge]a. (n.) The accumulation of hair in the drain after showering. Especially for my mum.


Abandick [Ab-an-dig]a. (v.tr.) To leave a man in the middle of sex just because you think you're going too far cause you're Singapore's most innocent girl and a family throne, causing him to be left behind in frustration and physical discomfort.


Benefriend [Ben-e-ffrr-end]a. (n.) A so-called friend with whom one partakes in devious activities, often stereotyped as sexually immoral acts, without fear of ruining the friendship and without any commitment. A friend with benefits if you ask me. [Please do ask me actually!]


Elecelleration [El-a-cel-ayshun]n. The mistaken notion that the more faster and harder you press the buttons in the lift, the faster it'll arrive.


Frust [Fr-ust]n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept into the dustpan and keeps backing a person across the rooms until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.


Neonphancy [Ne-on-pan-cy]n. A floresant light bulb struggling to come to life.


Phonesia [Fo-ne-zia] The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting who we are calling just as they answer.


Kidiot [Key-di-ot]a. (n.) A highly annoying kid.


Nipply [Nip-li]a. (adv.) Condition caused by a cold room, excitement or fear.


Camouflush [Cam-oh-flush]a. (n.) The unnecessary flushing of a public restroom toilet to mask embarrassing bodily sounds.


Decompliment [De-kom-ple-ment]a. (v.) To immediately insult someone after complimenting them, thereby rendering the compliment void.


Brunch [Brun-ch]a. (n.) A meal taken on behalf of the missed breakfast and lunch.


Fagnostic [Fag-nos-tik]a. (n.) Someone who refuses to admit they are gay or lesbian even though everyone else around them knows that they are.


Chillaxing [Chill-axe-ink] a. (v.tr.) Actively chilling and relaxing; Taking things easy; Staying cool.


Hiccaburp [Hik-ka-burp] a. (v.) To uncontrollably and simultaneously hiccup and burp.


Unfhair [Un-fare]a. (adj.) Marked by the ability to grow hair on one's ears, nose, the back of one's neck, on one's back or on one's rear, but not on the top of one's own head.


Zipcuff [Zeep-kaf]a. (v.) To be trapped in one's trousers by a faulty zipper.

Praba - 1:00 AM 136 comment(s)

GUESS WHO'S BACK?!

You know, I can't hold much longer. It's about time I came back to doing what I used to do best. Put everyone on fuck while the fun lasted. And god damn, did I miss this blog and everyone I put on fuck carefree. It's me. Once again. This time, to stay on. 

Fresh out from the army, I is looking for a job. And trust me, it ain't that easy to find. Especially when I am trying to find a job that is flexible. What adds fuel to fire, is the fact that I am indian. What adds kerosene to fuel is the fact that I'm the kind of inidan who prays and NEEDS to visit the temple more than I visit the toilet. Let's face the fact. Unlike YOU, I visit the temple everyday. If I'm gonna be working shift jobs, it's gonna eat up the amout of time I visit the temple or go for bhajans. I was looking through the papers today when I saw all kinds of job advertisements. Now, do you really think they mean what they say? I'll tell you what they really mean.

Keyword: Competitive salary.
What they mean: They remain competitive by paying you less than their competitors.

Keyword: Join our fast-paced company.
What they mean: They have no time to train you.

Keyword: Casual Work Atmosphere
What they mean: They don't pay enough to expect that you dress up.

Keyword: Some over-time required.
What they mean: Some every nights and some every weekends.

Keyword: Duties will vary
What they mean: Anyone in the workplace can boss you around.

Keyword: Must have an eye for details.
What they mean: They have no quality assurance.

Keyword: Career minded.
What they mean: Female applicants must be childless. [And remain that way]

Keyword: Apply in person.
What they mean: If you're too old, fat or ugly, you'll be told that the position is filled.

Keyword: Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience.
What they mean: You'll need it to replace the other 3 people who just quit.

Keyword: Problem-solving skills a must.
What they mean: You're walking into a perpetual chaos.

Keyword: Requires team leadership skills.
What they mean: You'll have the responsibilities of a manager. [Without the pay and respect] 

Keyword: Good communication skills
What they mean: Management communicates, you listen. And figure out what they want and do it.

Keyword: Good time management skills
What they mean:You'll be 3 months behind time when you start work.

Keyword: Bilinguals preferred.
What they mean:You must be a chinese person who speaks chinese. Doesn't matter if you're an indian who can speak chinese. You must be chinese.

Labels:


Praba - 12:40 AM 0 comment(s)



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Name - Praba
Age - 22
Birthday - 19 May
Horoscope - Taurus
E-Mail - narakabarp@gmail.com

Wordplay
GUESS WHO'S BACK?!
Goodbye
The Priest In The Making
The Plus Points
The Jealous Questions
What's Good And What's Not
Thaipusam 2009 Videos
The Million Dollar Question
Urumee Melams

April 2006
May 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
December 2008
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
March 2010

My 20th
Sun Tv Part 1
World Cup Fever
Friendster
Sun Tv Woes Part 2
Apologies
Funky Names For The Future
Door To Door Wails
Pick Up Li(n)es
The Nickname KLKlassification
Anonymous Callers
The Problem With Acronyms
The KLKomical SMSes
Weird Weird Emails
The Disturb Calls
The Hokkien Encyclopedia
Deepavali
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Property Of Rough Rhymes


Praba.
20 This Year.
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You won't understand till we trade places.
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I dropped 5 times but I'm still breathin'.
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My main thing was to be major paid.
This game's sharper than a muthafuckin' razor blade.

I wanna be meaningful.
Not winnin' fools.
I followed fools.
Swallowed rules.
Now I'm starting to trip.
I'm losing my grip.

Many were impressed when they saw praba writin'.
Now wait for him to start fightin'
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