Friday, December 22, 2006
Indian Identification
Ever noticed that nigger that's walking down the road with all that fake blings and basketball jersey only to take a closer look and find out that he has curry stains on his jersey and his fake diamond falls off when he exerts pressure while rubbing his ears and he is actually Indian? Since we're the next closest to them (in terms of colour), it's kinda hard on finding out who's who. A massive load of them are running around thinking that they're the next Tupac when they don't know shit about Tupac. And if you're one of those who's walking around thinking you're so cool in that oversized basketball jersey which my mum thinks is a good idea to wear as a nightie since it serves as a top and a skirt as well, here's how to find out if you're really an Indian. You are Indian if:
1. Everything you eat is savored in garlic, onion and tomatoes.
2. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminium foil.
3. You try to eject food particles between your teeth by pressing your tongue against them and making a peculiar noise which sounds like 'tshick tshick'.
4. You are standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the airport.
5. You arrive one or two hours late to a party and think it's perfectly normal.
6. You peel the stamps off letters that the postal service missed to mark up.
7. You recycle wedding gifts.
8. You name your children in rhythms. Example: Sita & Gita, Ram & Shyam.
9. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere close to their real names.
10. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says "No Food Allowed"
11. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someones house.
12. You load up the family car with as many people as possible.
13. You use plastic to cover anything new in your house whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch.
14. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think, but they won't let you do certain things because of what the other uncles and aunties will think.
15. You buy and display crockery, which is for special occasions, which never happen.
16. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.
17. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
18. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as possible.
19. Your kitchen shelf is full of jam jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils (Got free with some household items).
20. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (And travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).
21. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.
22. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
23. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old. (And they prefer it that way).
24. You don't use measuring cups when cooking.
25. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.
26. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or receive you whether you are travelling by bus, train or plane.
27. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose daughter has run away with whose son and feel proud to spread it at the velocity of more than the speed of light.
28. You only make long distance calls after 11pm.
29. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you've eaten even if it's midnight.
30. You call an older person you never met before 'uncle'.
31. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you discover you're talking to a distant cousin.
32. Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.
33. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them from getting dirty.
34. It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people.
35. All your Tupperware is stained with food color.
36. You have drinking glasses made of steel. And lastly, this I think applies perfectly for my mother.
37. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping.Labels: Indian
Praba
- 6:52 PM
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