Monday, December 31, 2007
2008. I wanna start my new year with a bang. Anyone knows any mampat Malay chicks? Alright, neh'mind. And before the network gets jammed and starts rejecting my SMSes and my wireless shared by all the high class Banglas with laptops these days thus depriving me of good connection, I wanna wish every single living organism ranging from mankind to antelopes to moss livings till sperms I've known to date a very Happy New Year. Let's all hope I become a good boy at least this year. [And I've been saying this for the last one decade. Let's just hope it comes to life this year at least.] I've wished you. No need to SMS/Call me and make my life fucking difficult for me. I'll take it as everyone wished me. Thanks.Labels: New Year 2008
Saturday, December 22, 2007
I said it, she did it. If you read the earlier post about "What I want in a man", here's the answer to my question. Credits to Gayathri. Here's her 5 cents worth. Adios.
What I want in a woman. [Original list at the age of 22]
1. Hot
2. Huge Knockers
2. Huge Knockers
3. Ass That Won't Quit
4. Doesn't Talk Too Much
5. Receptive To New Sexual Experiments.
4. Doesn't Talk Too Much
5. Receptive To New Sexual Experiments.
6. Wears Low Cut Tops And Bends Down Often
7. Is Receptive To The Idea Of A 3-Some
8. Cooks Well
9. Cleans The Shit
7. Is Receptive To The Idea Of A 3-Some
8. Cooks Well
9. Cleans The Shit
What I want in a woman. [Revised list at the age of 32]
1. Hot
2. Huge Knockers
2. Huge Knockers
3. Ass That Won't Quit
4. Doesn't Talk Too Much
5. Receptive To New Sexual Experiments.
4. Doesn't Talk Too Much
5. Receptive To New Sexual Experiments.
6. Wears Low Cut Tops And Bends Down Often
7. Is Receptive To The Idea Of A 3-Some
8. Cooks Well
9. Cleans The Shit
7. Is Receptive To The Idea Of A 3-Some
8. Cooks Well
9. Cleans The Shit
What I want in a woman. [Revised list at the age of 42]
1. Hot
2. Huge Knockers
2. Huge Knockers
3. Ass That Won't Quit
4. Doesn't Talk Too Much
5. Receptive To New Sexual Experiments.
4. Doesn't Talk Too Much
5. Receptive To New Sexual Experiments.
6. Wears Low Cut Tops And Bends Down Often
7. Is Receptive To The Idea Of A 3-Some
8. Cooks Well
9. Cleans The Shit
7. Is Receptive To The Idea Of A 3-Some
8. Cooks Well
9. Cleans The Shit
What I want in a woman. [Revised list at the age of 52]
1. Hot
2. Huge Knockers
2. Huge Knockers
3. Ass That Won't Quit
4. Doesn't Talk Too Much
5. Receptive To New Sexual Experiments.
4. Doesn't Talk Too Much
5. Receptive To New Sexual Experiments.
6. Wears Low Cut Tops And Bends Down Often
7. Is Receptive To The Idea Of A 3-Some
8. Cooks Well
9. Cleans The Shit
7. Is Receptive To The Idea Of A 3-Some
8. Cooks Well
9. Cleans The Shit
What I want in a woman. [Revised list at the age of 62]
1. Hot
2. Huge Knockers
2. Huge Knockers
3. Ass That Won't Quit
4. Doesn't Talk Too Much
5. Receptive To New Sexual Experiments.
4. Doesn't Talk Too Much
5. Receptive To New Sexual Experiments.
6. Wears Low Cut Tops And Bends Down Often
7. Is Receptive To The Idea Of A 3-Some
8. Cooks Well
9. Cleans The Shit
7. Is Receptive To The Idea Of A 3-Some
8. Cooks Well
9. Cleans The Shit
What I want in a woman. [Revised list at the age of 72]
1. Hot
2. Huge Knockers
2. Huge Knockers
3. Ass That Won't Quit
4. Doesn't Talk Too Much
5. Receptive To New Sexual Experiments.
4. Doesn't Talk Too Much
5. Receptive To New Sexual Experiments.
6. Wears Low Cut Tops And Bends Down Often
7. Is Receptive To The Idea Of A 3-Some
8. Cooks Well
9. Cleans The Shit
7. Is Receptive To The Idea Of A 3-Some
8. Cooks Well
9. Cleans The Shit
Friend: Hey praba, Why do guys ask if a girl is single?
Me: They're just wondering if they can get into your pants.
Friend: [Laughs] Okie. I told this guy I'm attached and he asked me for how long. And since you have answers to everything, why did he ask that?
Me: Simple. He's just wondering if you got bored of your boyfriend and would allow him to get into your pants.
Friend: [Laughs] Ok, I told him I just got attached. Think I spoiled his happiness. Now he's asking bout my family.
Me: Don't be too happy. He's just wondering if you have a sister whose pants he can get into.
Friend: [Laughs] Ok ok. I get the message. Thanks for educating the poor me.
Me: All in the game. No mention.
I'm a soldier, ain't I? There's no way I'll spare the SAF from my blog, would I? Absolutely not. I am on a 14 day annual leave till Christmas. And yes, advanced Merry Christmas to you since you know I might not blog for a long time to come if not for today. Though I is on leave, the SAF disease just sticks with me. I just can't help it. What can I do? As a arty man, I just have to. And what do SAF men do when they're on leave? I'll give you the most common 10.
1) Wake up at 5.30am then go back to sleep.
2) Tell mum to stand-by cooking.
3) Make siblings shout "ROOM!" and stand at attention when entering the house.
4) Seek psychotherapy to deal with lingering Sunday night book-in depression.
5) Continue to use No. 4 to hide in bushes along Fort Canning Park to disturb lovers making out. [I was there just yesterday]
6) Buy Malay dictionary to find out what all those commands really mean.
7) Shout "Grenade!" when throwing things at someone.
8) Tell family and friends, while exaggerating [Admit it], how they had to undergo all the 'shiong' training.
9) Shout the SAF 7 core values before drinking a jug of Vodka Cranberry.
10) Plan how to 'keng' the next phase of training, marking out all important days in calendar to suit personal plans.
Trust me, it's true, it's true. And just before I go off, an ode to National Service:
Native, born on native soil
Raised till eighteen, made to toil
To defend a tiny land
That’s the Singaporean man
On enlistment, BMT
Sergeant scold your family
Meet your Encik, CSM
The company's stupid man
They'll take you into a room
One man over many loom
Then you must prepare to swear
For this island always wear
Colour green and nothing more
Admin, PT and smart 4
They will strip you to the core
Fear not you're the nation's whore
They'll give you a gunnysack
Change you into vest and slacks
2 years of your life they'll take
You to hell until you break
Be prepared you new found dog
They'll make you wash and unclog
Urinals and other stuff
2 years are more than enough
In this life you'll never find
Better times to lose your mind
Welcome whore and please don't cry
You've already sworn to die
Learn to march and learn to sing
Songs that do not have meaning
But don't stop or wonder why
You're an idiot now green guy
Brains don't work in this army
It runs in Lee's family
Meet your rifle, your new wife
She's your friend, your foe, your life
Strip her tenderly with care
Or sergeant will screw you there
Here's your SBO and helm
You're now warrior of the realm
Honor, pride and glory be,
Bring this country harmony
Smelling like a mad wild boar
Dolled up in your goddamn 4
In the bus or up a train,
People may smell and complain
"Chow peng kia! They’re so smelly
All the botak so ugly."
Hang in there don't be let down
You're protector of the crown
Sergeants you must look up to
All the training they've been through
They KNOW they have seen the world
To them you're a baby girl
Like lions they are inside
They're just pussy cats outside
Think that SISPEC made you good?
Come on let’s try prison food
All these street smart wannabes
Grew up eating mommy's peas
Educated know all jacks
That is why they’re all called SPECS
Think a sergeant's hard to be?
Wanna come try RTC?
Yes you're somebody down here
Recruits look at you and fear
Grow up! Naive simple man
In this army brains don't stand
PC! PC! You're a Sir
Back in JC you're a blur
Born with glasses nerdy whore
Never seen the world before
To them NSF are dogs
Idiots meant to do shit jobs
Given to fulfil a cause
Treat them like you'd treat a horse
We must salute officers
All commissioned regulars
We address them all as Sirs
Just amazing, these soldiers
Instilling a sense of pride
Hunks that for this land would fight
They look so fierce in smart 4
So fierce I can’t wait for war
I'm sorry but ain't it true?
Sucked until your face turned blue
Which army in history
Controlled by a nerd sissy?
Native, born on native soil
Raised till eighteen, made to toil
To defend a tiny land
That’s the Singaporean man
On enlistment, BMT
Sergeant scold your family
Meet your Encik, CSM
The company's stupid man
They'll take you into a room
One man over many loom
Then you must prepare to swear
For this island always wear
Colour green and nothing more
Admin, PT and smart 4
They will strip you to the core
Fear not you're the nation's whore
They'll give you a gunnysack
Change you into vest and slacks
2 years of your life they'll take
You to hell until you break
Be prepared you new found dog
They'll make you wash and unclog
Urinals and other stuff
2 years are more than enough
In this life you'll never find
Better times to lose your mind
Welcome whore and please don't cry
You've already sworn to die
Learn to march and learn to sing
Songs that do not have meaning
But don't stop or wonder why
You're an idiot now green guy
Brains don't work in this army
It runs in Lee's family
Meet your rifle, your new wife
She's your friend, your foe, your life
Strip her tenderly with care
Or sergeant will screw you there
Here's your SBO and helm
You're now warrior of the realm
Honor, pride and glory be,
Bring this country harmony
Smelling like a mad wild boar
Dolled up in your goddamn 4
In the bus or up a train,
People may smell and complain
"Chow peng kia! They’re so smelly
All the botak so ugly."
Hang in there don't be let down
You're protector of the crown
Sergeants you must look up to
All the training they've been through
They KNOW they have seen the world
To them you're a baby girl
Like lions they are inside
They're just pussy cats outside
Think that SISPEC made you good?
Come on let’s try prison food
All these street smart wannabes
Grew up eating mommy's peas
Educated know all jacks
That is why they’re all called SPECS
Think a sergeant's hard to be?
Wanna come try RTC?
Yes you're somebody down here
Recruits look at you and fear
Grow up! Naive simple man
In this army brains don't stand
PC! PC! You're a Sir
Back in JC you're a blur
Born with glasses nerdy whore
Never seen the world before
To them NSF are dogs
Idiots meant to do shit jobs
Given to fulfil a cause
Treat them like you'd treat a horse
We must salute officers
All commissioned regulars
We address them all as Sirs
Just amazing, these soldiers
Instilling a sense of pride
Hunks that for this land would fight
They look so fierce in smart 4
So fierce I can’t wait for war
I'm sorry but ain't it true?
Sucked until your face turned blue
Which army in history
Controlled by a nerd sissy?
Labels: NS
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
I is back. More wiser, polite, patient and well behaved-NOT. For fuck's sake, I is a soulja. You don't expect me to go "Excuse me gentlemen, can you please proceed with 20 push ups and recover yourself?" do you? And if just like my friends, you're wondering how army's treating me, are you fucking outta your mind? It's the fucking army for god's sake. There's no 2 ways as to how they treat you. Nevertheless, I'm good. That's only how I'll be just in case you're hoping I'll break my leg while marching or drown while gulping down half a full water bottle. I've adapted well into the SAF and as some might have noticed, I link every damn thing I talk with the SAF. Yea, it's damn gay, I know.
Anyhow, since I'm busy fighting for the nation on weekdays and fighting with the nation on weekends, I kinda lost touch with all my beloveds. So much so that I don't know who broke up with who and who broke who. Do update me before I go "Hey, how's your boyfriend?" and you send me power nudges that slow down my already unresponsive computer. Meanwhile, if you're having problems with your boyfriend like this friend of mine, maybe you should heed by this revised list of 2007.
Anyhow, since I'm busy fighting for the nation on weekdays and fighting with the nation on weekends, I kinda lost touch with all my beloveds. So much so that I don't know who broke up with who and who broke who. Do update me before I go "Hey, how's your boyfriend?" and you send me power nudges that slow down my already unresponsive computer. Meanwhile, if you're having problems with your boyfriend like this friend of mine, maybe you should heed by this revised list of 2007.
What I want in a man. [Original list at the age of 22]
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates the finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates the finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover
What I want in a man. [Revised list at the age of 32]
1. Nice looking - preferably with hair on his head
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner at a restaurant
4. Listens more than he talks
5. Laughs at your jokes at appropriate times
6. Can carry in all groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week
What I want in a man. [Revised list at the age of 42]
1. Not too ugly - bald head okay
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner at McDonalds on occasion
4. Nods head at appropriate times when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers the punchlines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange furniture
7. Usually wears shirt that covers stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat lid down
10. Shaves on most weekends
What I want in a man. [Revised list at the age of 52]
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed to appropriate length
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep while you're talking
5. Doesn't re-tell same jokes too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves on some weekends
What I want in a man. [Revised list at the age of 62]
1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when awake [LOUDLY when asleep]
5. Forgets why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10.Remembers when...
What I want in a man. [Revised list at the age of 72]
1. Breathing..
Yeaps, you heard it from the man. If you're interested enough, go make a revised list of your own for a women. I'd be more than glad to read. Adios.
Labels: Men, NS, Revised List
