Rough Rhymes

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

I is back. More wiser, polite, patient and well behaved-NOT. For fuck's sake, I is a soulja. You don't expect me to go "Excuse me gentlemen, can you please proceed with 20 push ups and recover yourself?" do you? And if just like my friends, you're wondering how army's treating me, are you fucking outta your mind? It's the fucking army for god's sake. There's no 2 ways as to how they treat you. Nevertheless, I'm good. That's only how I'll be just in case you're hoping I'll break my leg while marching or drown while gulping down half a full water bottle. I've adapted well into the SAF and as some might have noticed, I link every damn thing I talk with the SAF. Yea, it's damn gay, I know.

Anyhow, since I'm busy fighting for the nation on weekdays and fighting with the nation on weekends, I kinda lost touch with all my beloveds. So much so that I don't know who broke up with who and who broke who. Do update me before I go "Hey, how's your boyfriend?" and you send me power nudges that slow down my already unresponsive computer. Meanwhile, if you're having problems with your boyfriend like this friend of mine, maybe you should heed by this revised list of 2007.

What I want in a man. [Original list at the age of 22]

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates the finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover

What I want in a man. [Revised list at the age of 32]

1. Nice looking - preferably with hair on his head
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner at a restaurant
4. Listens more than he talks
5. Laughs at your jokes at appropriate times
6. Can carry in all groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week

What I want in a man. [Revised list at the age of 42]

1. Not too ugly - bald head okay
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner at McDonalds on occasion
4. Nods head at appropriate times when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers the punchlines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange furniture
7. Usually wears shirt that covers stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat lid down
10. Shaves on most weekends

What I want in a man. [Revised list at the age of 52]

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed to appropriate length
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep while you're talking
5. Doesn't re-tell same jokes too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves on some weekends

What I want in a man. [Revised list at the age of 62]

1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when awake [LOUDLY when asleep]
5. Forgets why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10.Remembers when...

What I want in a man. [Revised list at the age of 72]

1. Breathing..

Yeaps, you heard it from the man. If you're interested enough, go make a revised list of your own for a women. I'd be more than glad to read. Adios.

Labels: Men, NS, Revised List