Friday, September 26, 2008
Here's the confirmed schedules:28th October to 2nd December- India.
16th December to 24th January- New Zealand.
Which means I'd disappear for a motherfucking month before I touch down to Singapore again for 14 days before flying off again on the 16th of December. I've turned down Australia cause it'll be affecting my Thaipusam. Now, with the new schedules, I'd be back just in time to fast for Thaipusam which will fall on the 8th of February. I've already applied for leave just before I fly off. And the leave days are as such:
1st October-5th October, 17th October-26th October.
It'll be a awful number of days that I'll be away from home. I is gonna miss my mummy like crazy. Those who want/need something from New Zealand/India, do let me know so that I can make arrangements. Of course you'll pay me before I fly off. [Fucking hell, you expect me to pay for you ah?]
Anyhow, if you do need something, do let me know. I'll try my best. Adios.
Labels: India, New Zealand, NS
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Let your bosses know about the new office policies. Thanks for the link bro. Adios.NEW OFFICE POLICY
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better so that you may buy nicer clothes. And therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management
Thank you.
The Problem With Mental People
Anyhow, I was watching Crime Watch a few weeks ago about how the mute [With all due respect, and no insult of any kind meant at all] can now call in to 999 for assistance. I think the whole concept is cool BUT, what happens if a mental motherfucker happens to call in? Especially when my friend works in IMH [Institute of Mental Health] and she tells me about the different kind of mental problems at hand. So I, once again legendary, have extended an helping hand to mental people of all kind calling in. This is exactly how the radio operator will speak to help those in need of assistance. And thanks to you Miss Hottie, [Since you don't want your name to appear here], for the different kind of mental problems. [Which is yours by the way?]
"Hi, Welcome to Tanglin Police Station.
If you are Obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are Co-Dependant, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have Multiple Personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so that we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7. Your call will be transferred to the Mothership.
If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are Manic Depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.
If you are Dyslexic, press 969696969696969696.
If you have a Nervous Disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.
If you have Amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, I.C number, date of birth, credit card number, pin code and your mother's middle name.
If you have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, slowly and carefully press 999.
If you are Bi-Polar Disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have Short Term Memory Loss, please try to call again later.
If you have Low Self Esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy."
There I go again. Adios.
Labels: Crime Watch, Mental, Phone Operator
1) Fun four letter words to know and share.
2) The child who died from eating all his vegetables, Volume 1.
3) Dad's new mistress, Namitha.
4) Axe, Chainsaws, Knives: An I-Can-Do-It book.
5) Curious Rinesh and the high voltage fence.
6) Grandpa gets a casket
7) The magic world inside the abandoned refrigerator.
8) The pop-up book of human anatomy.
9) There goes the hamster...And other great microwave games.
10) Some kittens can fly.
There we go. Do you still insist Praba becomes a writer for children's story book? Ponder over it. Adios.
P.S: The gorgeous, gorgeous looking sweetheart made in heaven. A murder will take place if I see this on anyone else's friendster or blog.There's alot people don't know about me. I just don't get it why but I just so love baby girls to bits. Maybe that opposites attract. Just like how some of the female friends I asked who said they preferred baby boys as opposed to baby girls. Definitely not for me. The baby girls are just so disciplined, well behaved, neat and tidy and gorgeous as g's. [Note: G's refer to G-Strings] I can feel my heartbeat skip a beat when I see my niece smiling. The baby boys, simply atrocious. Can you imagine another baby Praba? There goes the world. Fucking ill-mannered and completely out of control. I have no mercy when it boils down to my nephews. It's a 'either you listen or I make you' situation time and time again. Slaps will be thrown in with no mercy if discipline is what they lack. The baby girls, on the other hand, are soooo well behaved. You tell them to sit, they sit. You tell them to stand, they stand. Even if they misbehave, who cares! She makes everything she does look so adorable.
As beautiful and wonderful as they can be, there's always a problem that arises. The problem that begins with age of course. It's not easy bringing up a baby daughter compared to the boys. A daughter needs more attention and guidance as compared to the boys. The boys, bastards, are let alone to roam and rot and somehow grow up. The baby girls, have to be taken care of like diamond stones. Precious like g's. The problem, as usual, starts with the boys. When they start dating. The last thing any father would wanna see is some shaggy bastard dating his one and only princess. I'd load and fire off a shotgun if anyone tries go near my niece/cousins/daughters etc. Try me. Meanwhile, this are the father's rules to dating his princess. Read em'. [Thanks bro, for the link. I appreciate it.]
Rule 1: You do not touch my precious little angel in front of me. Not even behind me. You glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything lower than the neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off my daughter, I will remove them.
Rule 2: I am aware that it's considered fashionable for boys these days to wear their pants so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. If you come with your underwear showing or your pants ten times bigger than it's supposed to be, I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric gun and fasten your trousers securely to your waist.
Rule 3: I am sure that in today's world, sex without utilizing a barrier method of some kind will kill you. Let me elaborate: When it comes to sex, I am the barrier and I WILL kill you.
Rule 4: In order to get to know each other better, we should talk about sports, hobbies and other general issues of the day. But please do not do this. The only information I require about you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter back at my house. And the only word I need from you on this subject is "EARLY".
Rule 5: I have no doubts that you're a popular fella with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me so long as it's fine with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little princess, you will continue to do so till she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I WILL MAKE YOU CRY.
Rule 6: As you stand at my gate, waiting for my little angel to appear, and more than one hour goes by, do not sigh or fidget. If you want to be on time for a movie, then you shouldn't be dating. My daughter is putting on her make-up, a process which will take longer than painting Raffles Hotel. Instead of just standing there, make yourself useful by cleaning my car.
Rule 7: Read carefully. The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
-In places where there are beds, sofas or anything softer than wooden stool.
-In places where there are no parents, policemen or priests within eyesight.
-In places where there is darkness.
-In places where there is dancing, holding hands or happiness.
-In places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff tee shirts or anything other than overalls, a goose neck zipped all the way to her throat or even higher.
Rule 8: Movies with strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided. Movies that feature chainsaws are totally fine. Old folks home, even better.
Rule 9: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be skinny, scrawny and weak but on these issues relating to my daughter, I am the all knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have the chance to tell me the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel and 5 feet of soil under my block. Do not trifle with me.
Rule 10: Be afraid. Be very afraid. As I wait for you to return my baby daughter back home, I hear voices in my head frequently telling me to load the rifle. As soon as you pull over outside my gate, you should exit the car with both your hands in the air and within sight. Speak the perimeter password and announce that you have brought home my angel safely and early and then back to your car to immediately drive off to avoid being shot down. There is no need for you to come inside my house. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
Adios.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Scott Facial Tissues. Soft, good absorbents. Just in case you're wondering why I mentioned tissue papers of all things, ponder no more. It's for tears. Both agony and joy. Agony for the suckers who lost 2-1 and joy for the ones who owned them. Just in case it's been a long time since I said this,BILA BILA LIVERPOOL!
Labels: Liverpool
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Rough Rhymes, Now On Friendster
Meanwhile, I have now created a friendster profile for Rough Rhymes. Haven't really had time to do it up 'steady pom pee pee' but will work on it soon. So if you've liked what you've read or read what you've liked all this while, add Rough Rhymes to your friendster too. Link below. Adios.
Labels: Friendster
