Saturday, September 20, 2008
P.S: The gorgeous, gorgeous looking sweetheart made in heaven. A murder will take place if I see this on anyone else's friendster or blog.There's alot people don't know about me. I just don't get it why but I just so love baby girls to bits. Maybe that opposites attract. Just like how some of the female friends I asked who said they preferred baby boys as opposed to baby girls. Definitely not for me. The baby girls are just so disciplined, well behaved, neat and tidy and gorgeous as g's. [Note: G's refer to G-Strings] I can feel my heartbeat skip a beat when I see my niece smiling. The baby boys, simply atrocious. Can you imagine another baby Praba? There goes the world. Fucking ill-mannered and completely out of control. I have no mercy when it boils down to my nephews. It's a 'either you listen or I make you' situation time and time again. Slaps will be thrown in with no mercy if discipline is what they lack. The baby girls, on the other hand, are soooo well behaved. You tell them to sit, they sit. You tell them to stand, they stand. Even if they misbehave, who cares! She makes everything she does look so adorable.
As beautiful and wonderful as they can be, there's always a problem that arises. The problem that begins with age of course. It's not easy bringing up a baby daughter compared to the boys. A daughter needs more attention and guidance as compared to the boys. The boys, bastards, are let alone to roam and rot and somehow grow up. The baby girls, have to be taken care of like diamond stones. Precious like g's. The problem, as usual, starts with the boys. When they start dating. The last thing any father would wanna see is some shaggy bastard dating his one and only princess. I'd load and fire off a shotgun if anyone tries go near my niece/cousins/daughters etc. Try me. Meanwhile, this are the father's rules to dating his princess. Read em'. [Thanks bro, for the link. I appreciate it.]
Rule 1: You do not touch my precious little angel in front of me. Not even behind me. You glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything lower than the neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off my daughter, I will remove them.
Rule 2: I am aware that it's considered fashionable for boys these days to wear their pants so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. If you come with your underwear showing or your pants ten times bigger than it's supposed to be, I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric gun and fasten your trousers securely to your waist.
Rule 3: I am sure that in today's world, sex without utilizing a barrier method of some kind will kill you. Let me elaborate: When it comes to sex, I am the barrier and I WILL kill you.
Rule 4: In order to get to know each other better, we should talk about sports, hobbies and other general issues of the day. But please do not do this. The only information I require about you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter back at my house. And the only word I need from you on this subject is "EARLY".
Rule 5: I have no doubts that you're a popular fella with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me so long as it's fine with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little princess, you will continue to do so till she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I WILL MAKE YOU CRY.
Rule 6: As you stand at my gate, waiting for my little angel to appear, and more than one hour goes by, do not sigh or fidget. If you want to be on time for a movie, then you shouldn't be dating. My daughter is putting on her make-up, a process which will take longer than painting Raffles Hotel. Instead of just standing there, make yourself useful by cleaning my car.
Rule 7: Read carefully. The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
-In places where there are beds, sofas or anything softer than wooden stool.
-In places where there are no parents, policemen or priests within eyesight.
-In places where there is darkness.
-In places where there is dancing, holding hands or happiness.
-In places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff tee shirts or anything other than overalls, a goose neck zipped all the way to her throat or even higher.
Rule 8: Movies with strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided. Movies that feature chainsaws are totally fine. Old folks home, even better.
Rule 9: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be skinny, scrawny and weak but on these issues relating to my daughter, I am the all knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have the chance to tell me the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel and 5 feet of soil under my block. Do not trifle with me.
Rule 10: Be afraid. Be very afraid. As I wait for you to return my baby daughter back home, I hear voices in my head frequently telling me to load the rifle. As soon as you pull over outside my gate, you should exit the car with both your hands in the air and within sight. Speak the perimeter password and announce that you have brought home my angel safely and early and then back to your car to immediately drive off to avoid being shot down. There is no need for you to come inside my house. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
Adios.
