Sunday, May 28, 2006
Friendster. It started off well but now it's a subject of ridicule. First of all, profile names. If you ain't what you claim to be, then you're just a wanna-be. Words of wisdom from Praba. Some profile names are so contradicting to the faces I see. Vain people are invading friendster. Below are examples of friendster profile names I came across. Some got me bewildered. Read on."Kiss me" (She has lips like a camel)
"Babealicious" (She looks like a decomposing chilli chicken)
"Sexy" (She doesn't haf enough clothes)
"Hot" (She looks like missy elliot without make-up on a bad hair day)
"Huggable" (An elephant looks slim beside her and I bet your right hand will be miles away from your left hand when they're around her)
"Voluptuous" (Gosh. She looks like an underfed mosquito)
Let me come straight to the point. If you're ugly, quit acting like you don't know it. Stop using ridiculous profile names. Profile names like that don't convince anyone. Please choose profile names that suits your ugly ass. We haf eyes, so try your luck with the blind.
This, I am dying to talk about. Photos. If all your pictures look the same, please don't post them. Who the hell wants to view your face in 8 different directions whether it's black or white, coloured or sepia, edited or unedited? And we don't give two peanuts if it's up-close or not either. We don't wanna be counting your blackheads and open pores. Bear in mind. And don't you dare post photos with captions like "OMG! I'm so fat" or "OMG. I'm so ugly." because in that case, you wouldn't even post them in the first place. So if you post photos like that, and I say "Yea you're fat and you need to go for liposuction", you better shut up and listen.
Some try reverse psychology with captions like "Aren't I Hot?" or "Future Model". Sad to say, you ain't fooling anyone either. You're just as horrible. And primary school kids with friendster who look like sluts, go somewhere else. Nobody wants you in friendster. So many "unripened" kids in friendster nowadays. Another thing about photos. This is loathsome. Please stop putting up actors/actresses photos and start captioning them "My husband..lol", "My Ex..hehehe" or "My sister..wahaha". I don't see anything hilarious about that. They'd probably die of disgust if they found out you were fantasizing about them. You're not telling a joke. You're the joke. And the only difference between you and a bucket of shit, is the bucket.
Bulletins. For the weak hearted who panic when they see bulletins like "repost this in ten seconds if not you're gonna die", please get a life. No one's gonna kill you if you don't repost. The idea of that bulletin is to see how many do actually pay attention to the bulletins they post. So stop being that typical mama drama that you are and quit being an idiot. It's annoying when you see bulletins named "I hope you read this", and you open it up to see if some useful message is gonna be put across, only to see "JUST KIDDING!!!!, hahahahaha now you have bad luck for 900 days and you'll have no girlfriend OR boyfriend in 10 years!" Now this plainly shows your lack of intelligence. I is mortified by your stupidity. So if you're one of them, please read my blog and repost it in 10 seconds. If not, your mother is gonna squat and shit in the middle of orchard road while your father does a hola hoop naked in Far East Plaza. Hurry coz there's only 5 seconds to do so. Dumb mofo.
Adding of friends and messages. If you've tried adding me without sending me a proper introduction message, I is not gonna accept your bitch ass. Courtesy is what you're lacking. So please stop sending me messages asking me "What's up with you not adding me?" Who really cares if I don't add you as a friend? Move on asshole. I don't want you as a friend! That's what's up. And please stop sending me messages that only you understand what you're trying to convey. So don't try sending me messages when your english is no better than your looks. And worst still, If you're anywhere near the "Bell-bottoms with tiger skin and a bandanna" line, please click the button most nearest to the upper right hand column of your screen. You is not welcomed by anyone with brains. Try the 12 year olds. They dun haf much clue. And to those posting threats via friendster, nobody cares about threats over the internet. So don't try acting hardcore with the keyboard. Fighting online is like racing in the Paralympics. Even if you win, you're still retarded.
On a personal note, A friend of mine came across one photo in friendster of an actress and beside the actress is a gal's photo. Captioned are the words "Any similarities?"
That's as how vain as it can get. Friendster proved to expose the funny people that are existent. I rest my case
Inspired by an email sent to me. The world cup draws closer. Excited is an understatement. Delirious ain't precise enough. But the real problem is, how do I dispose my mum off the remote control? One worry on every football loving Indian boy's mind. How to get their mums disconnected from the sun tv world. My mum watches sun tv like I watch porn. A daily schedule for her that can bypass any important appointments. Trust me when I say that. And I'd strongly urge sun tv broadcasters to rethink their schedule during the world cup period. Hamam soap will be thrown at you losers.
No one feels me when I talk to them about the world cup. It comes once in four years. If people can anticipate eclipses that come once in two years and watch with their mouths wide open, though they dun have a damn clue what the fuck is happening, I reckon that they should anticipate the world cup too. I strongly urge my ladies to watch the world cup. Coz there is no way in hell you're gonna ask me follow you shopping, threading, manicure, pedicure, clubbing or even lingerie try outs. No one is gonna dispossess me off my television. So please look elsewhere for victims.
Today I was suggesting a list of places where my mum can put up at during the world cup. I named her relatives whom haf seemingly disconnected from planet earth. Women in the house when men are watching soccer is like a man in between two women discussing about make-ups. My mum doesn't understand that I can call up starhub to mimic her voice and get sun tv disconnected for a month which might save me $4. That amount may seem little but trust me, it comes in handy when the titbit stocks are running out. And if my mum still insists in staying with me, her lips will be sealed with scotch tape. All noisy household appliances will be rented out to accommodate to the rising costs of beer cans that might cause a "Ole" in my pocket.
Trust me, a small pin drop which affects even the slightest of attention from me could earn you a three day, two night stay in the all improved Tan Tock Seng. Remotes will be kept in safes jus in case someone accidentally presses the buttons during a hair raising moment. So, a reminder to all my friends: Calls will NOT be entertained. My handphone will be strictly SWITCHED OFF. No matter how important the call is, only make calls during half time or after the game. And provided the score line satisfies me and there ain't no highlight of the match. Regardless of whether they repeat it once or forever, even the slightest of information is important to me. Whether Ronaldinho's balls were entangled during the step-overs or Beckham's wife's panties were sticking out when he hit that free kick or Toure's ass was extruding out an extra mile while running, they're all just as important as the match is. The house phone will be unplucked from the socket and kept in my neighbour's house. So if you need me, call him. But please be courteous enough to put down the phone if you hear loud incomprehensible Chinese words. It probably means "What the fuck do you want?"
After the full time whistle, please don't make calls to tell me "Relax, it's just a game. What's the big deal?" or "There's still another world cup four years down the road." Such words will carry an equivalent meaning to "Please give me a hard slap" And dear friends, try not to haf any functions during the world cup month that requires my presence. I will not turn up. Anything that means I have to move an inch from the television will end up with drastic consequences.
We men haf a passion for football like you ladies haf a passion for cam-whoring. With that, I end by saying, "Feel the heat of the samba when they're dancing with the ball." The Almighty Brazilians. Cheers to Aarthi!
No rhymes. No lung tearing languages. As promised to a friend. Now, If you're a chinese or a Malay, you'd probably wanna scroll down coz you ain't gonna understand a damn thing. Let's get started. Sun TV. The terrorizing channel in the hearts of Indian teenagers who'd rather switch to channel 20 (MTV) to see some ang mo's shaking that thang. Let me start off my giving you a glimpse of my mum's daily activity.
0800hrs-0900hrs: Switch on television and the scv set up box. Channel is 2929.29% guaranteed to be in channel 29. Watch Indian men and women scream their voices out while hiding behind coconut trees.
0900hrs-1900hrs: TV gets a good rest. Why? Coz mum's at work and only returns at 1900hrs. But it sure knows the hell of a ride it's gonna go through in the night. Enjoy now. Suffer later.
1900hrs- Eternity: Mum comes back home and switches on tv to shed teardrops. Lies on the sofa while standing up god knows how many times to take up-close looks at the suspense that's about to unveil. And just when the suspense is about to be unveiled, 20 mins of advertisement will take up the time and when we finally return to the serial with enthusiasm, flashed in size 20 fonts will be the words, "To Be Continued"
I dun understand what's got my mum so indulged in sun tv. For a 30 minute serial, there's a 20 minute advertisement. I wonder where they get so much of things to advertise about. Whatever you can think of, they have. Sometimes I wonder if they advertise what they make or if they make something just to advertise. Remaining 10 minutes for the drama. 3 mins for names of producers, their father's name, brother's name, sister's name, sister's ex-husband's landlord's name and etc. while playing some totally out of this earth, ying meets yang with a bang music. And when they finally get on with it, you'd probably see 5 minutes being wasted for the actor removing his shoes, socks, pants, shirt and not forgetting the traditional blue and white boxers or how the Indians say it "lungigals". Another 3 minutes is wasted when the actor makes a special turn with sound effects. That is a must in the Indian movie industry. In
My mum often forgets that she's in
We all know Indians are great liars but to play a movie 100 times a year and repeatedly say "For the first time in Indian television history" is a bit too much. Who the fuck are you tryin to kid?????? Don't think you can nicely display your mama drama tricks in the "cycle gap"
They say that Indians exaggerate a lot. If you watch sun tv, point is well proven. They haf a 1000 episodes. Let me give u an example. One man pulls out a gun to fire. Another pulls out a gun to fire back. And jus when you hear a gunshot, without having a clue as to who got shot and the camera is only focusing on the bullet that's traveling at the speed of a millipede having menses, they wrap up the show. And that's it. Show ends. End of episode one. All this stretched over 255 episodes before they finally reveal the injured man's face. And don't you dare think all is over. We still haf yet to see the family crying in the hospital. Based on the actor's capability, it could be stretched till episode 999 before death befalls him on the 1000th episode and that's it. Case closed. Amen. Good night.
They say Indians are emotional people. My mum is a living example. Sun tv bastards are smart people. They confuse the fuck outta you till the next episode is telecasted. Why? So that you will watch the next episode and get even more confused for the following one. When someone dies in a serial, it can make my mum so sad that she will call me when I am chatting in msn to tell me what had happened. She probably knows it goes in one ear and comes out the same ear but she still does. And yea, crying is a must in every serial. Whether you choose to cry whacking your chest or head, it's all up to your ability. The more capable ones will do moonwalk lying down. My mum will make a hundred meter dash from work to reach home in time to watch them all cry as a family. And the best part, my mum joins them.
Part two will be out soon. Advertisements will be attacked with vengeance.
Labels: Sun TV
Monday, May 22, 2006
If you're pushed aside for family trends you didn't abide, next to me is where you should sit beside. Relatives are relatively conservative. You'll neva be allowed to dwell in your own believes. Living your own life causes instant relieves. We all hope relatives understand that but no one perceives.Dressing for a family function has got me stressing. I dunno why such a big fuss about what I should wear but I'm still guessing. Wear black and blue and at you, they'll throw their shoe. Wear black and white and they think you fight. Wear black and red and they'd prefer you dead. My hairstyle has got my relatives a lil hostile. My hair always acquiring their glares. Long hair gets their strong care. One gold in your hair and watch how they stare. One blonde in your head and see how they hate. One strand of a dyed hair gives them a slight scare. My earring seems like a tearing to them. Every hole in my body causes a poll that I'm shoddy. My body posture has caused a major rupture. They see me no different from a muthafuckin' sculpture. A ring in my finger and you get thoughts that would linger. Move a muscle and they think you like to tussle. My walking has got them talking. With questions, they've started stalking. My hand signs have earned lines. More painful than land mines. Why all this hustle that's tearing my muscle? Why all this fakery when I mean no crookery? Why play all this games to set my frames?
I spoke a lil lightly to assure that I said things politely. I kept my cool when I was called a fool. I let it go when I got lectures for conjectures. I chose to stay by my flesh and blood. Though they smelled like thrash and mud. No one treasured me. Tore down and always pressured me. I see no escape. Been stuck here like a duct tape.
Now anger's in my eyes. Through my pain is how I'll rise. Family has got me boiling. Watch me breathe revenge. You'll start toiling.
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Reena wishes to see no rhymes here. So yea, as promised. Praba turned 2o on 19th may. Jus in case you're wondering who is praba, fret not, I is praba. Turned 20 days ago. Thanks to miss reena mohan, praba had something to do on his birthday. Standard tamilian routine. DRINK. Went to have dinner first at some place whose name I can't remember. Went to Ceasers Bar to drink till I'll dropped. They say a picture speaks a thousand words. So I shall jus let the pictures do the work.
Read the papers?
Two beautiful women.
Aherm
4 beautiful ladies.
Damn. This is going down in my history books. Big Pimpin' Baby!
Women and camera. Tsk tsk tsk.
That's me behind trying to spoil their fun.
Anjali, Reena & Sarah.
Gosh. I just love this two. Reena on the left and sarah on the right.Sunday, May 14, 2006
Ladies Are Gonna Be Exposed In My Next Post
Monday, May 08, 2006
Amazed How People Can Be 2 Faced
I'm loved and hated coz I'm spilling the truths. It ain't over. I've just started to cruise. My topics here ain't raised to be praised. My postings are a trace to your craze. Some love me coz I tell it. Some hate me coz they think I'm too vulgar tryin' to yell it. Understan and smell it that behind all these dirty speech lies a weighty teach some hate to admit. My language makes their tongue twitch. Some say I'm becoming atrocious. Who'll believe me if I tell em' I'm just precocious? You're probably too cheap to comprehend my weep. What I sow is exactly what I reap. I am half beast. But still soft like water with yeast. How I wish I was deceased. Hating this society that's got me clenching hard my fist. Ball suckers waiting to use you as an excuse to climb their victory. Dun trust em'. They're contradictory.
All these fakers with different faces. Made no difference when I tried changing places. They're everywhere. First, they carry your balls. Next, they're causing your falls. Don't trust everyone you meet. They're not everything you need. Some are snakes. Will eat you up coz they're ready to mislead. Deploy your steps carefully. When snakes come your way, destroy your foes forcefully. Understand that I am growing up. When many see me writing, they think I'm angry and I'm blowing up. Not true. Praba's seen the dangers. I'm tryin' to make sure you dun end up like me meeting all these strangers. And thus, words are flowing out. Not everyone you meet is god sent. Beware of snakes and their sweet scents. But it's so hard that it takes a sixth sense.
Where are all the nice people? Someone who'll guide me and keep my heart true. The door is open so make a walk through. I need a lift. Next to god is where I wanna shift. Been heartbroken and my life is like a drift. I finally saw their true side. They've put me through a rough ride. Drained so much of my energy that my throat dried. It has been a while since there has been a smile. In my post, if you see anger, understand that all this rage was built up when I was a lil younger. They haf accumulated causing hunger. I've gotta readjust my trust. Been giving it to the wrong people and it's just about to rust. Went through so many painful lessons. I just learned the morals. If you listen to Limp Bizkit, he says "Life is a lesson. You learn it when you're through." Damn wrong!
Trust me, life is a lesson. You learn it going through.
Labels: Hypocritical
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Electronic Mails Lead To Chronic Tales
Look bitch, you ain't no muthafucka representative of the muthafucka MSN crew. They do not send you special "can u gimme a screw" e-mails to tell you that MSN is through. Stop forwarding clown! I'll slap the fuck outta you till you drown. Don't send me messages like MSN is closing down. I ain't gonna fuckin' frown! And what's with the shit that you've gotta forward it to 20 others? They're part of the "I fucked my brothers?" And stop the e-mails with nothing but just plain numbers! I'll fuck your ass hard with cucumbers! I ain't interested in how well you can count. You'll see on how well I can mount. Lame ass bastard, watch my words get flustered.
I logged into friendster a while ago. You have no idea how much I was in rile below. Thing is, I see this bitch who consistently introduces her frenz to me. (That introduce a fren thingy) Daughter of a "screwed behind mostly", listen closely to this draft that's written grossly. I ain't muthafucka interested in your muthafucka introduction. I'll fuck your muthafucka ass till there's a temperature reduction (death). Now get your "I have that irritating habit also" crew and have a lil' discussion. Move away from me before you see the bad repercussion. I'm warning ya. And you got the guts to tell me that nothing is wrong in it? I'll laugh at your muthafucka face when your chin has been split. Look, I don't need you to introduce your "once a month bleeding pussy" frenz to me. And you tell me that you introduce her to all your frenz? Is she the one who sleeps and asks for rents? Are you a muthafucka procurer coz she's a lil poorer? I'll spit on your face with no grace coz you're a cheap disgrace. Despite warnings, you still decided to persevere? I'll slap you so hard that u'll swerve for years. Stop being a pimp. Your fren anyway looks worse than a chimp.
And to another special son of a scandal, I'll beat the fuck outta you with a sandal till you get blown like a candle. I am a bad ass muthafucka vandal. Dun try me. Stop it with your friendster messages telling me they're gonna close down. I'll get your muscles ripped and clothes torn. I'll break your damn face when I see you walking downtown. Stop with all this shit that your grandfather's ex wife's brother's late cousin's neighbour's aunt's ex beautician's pet dog's ex owner said so. He'll get hammered so bad that he'll look like a shit flow. Where the fuck is your own brains? I'll fuck you so hard that you'll haf split veins. Stop forwarding shit blindly. I'll repay you with slashes kindly. Stupid son of a cheap thrill. Your brain's still asleep ill. You look like a muthafuckin road kill.
I undastan that there are people with stains in their brains. But not all are dumb like you muthafuckaz. We haf brains of our own. Or rather, I do. You tell me that friendster needs you to forward so that they know the account is actively run through? Then why the fuck on earth do they have the "Last Login" information there? You wanna make the whole nation blare? You're more dumb than a whore. Your head's up with a sore? I'll hit till your shit hits the floor. Next time, think through so that you dun get an ass screw. I bet you got the email I sent ya to read my post. Was I, at the most, polite at the close? Dumb son of a bitch. You're jus as irritating as the rich.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Fat Bitches Ain't Ugly Witches
Women who think they're fat and drive the men mad, get
If you think you're fat, then you most probably are. It's better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubts. So if you think that you're fat, shut the fuck up and don't keep irritating the fuck out. Dun keep advertising to the world and start crying and start sighing. So when you tell me that you're fat and I tell you that you need to go for liposuction, dun tell me I wasn't a sweet seduction. I'll cause a mass destruction. When you stand in front of the mirror, the picture will get clearer. You know exactly where the fuck you stand. I've got nuttin against fat people. But when you wanna-be fat muthafuckaz start asking once, twice, I was still nice. But trice and I'll start to slice. Just shows your sucking vice. How am I to put up with your fucking cries? Bitch ass muthafuckas.
K-I-M you got me heated. So I am hitting in places when most needed. Die like a bitch when my blog hits the streets. I dedicate this to you punk muthafucka. Listen or I'll put you through the creeps.
If you think the world is gonna hate you coz you're fat, that's sad. Coz there ain't nuttin wrong in being that. If you wanna be shedding to be slim, then start heading to the gym. Dun start to whine and repeat the same old line. You kin of a swine, I'll break your spine. Your insecurity shows your obscurity. Dun let it get through. Feel my cue? Screw your "I think I am fat" crew. See my view? I ever told you kim. I'm not tryin' to scold you kim. I'm jus tryin' to mould you kim. I hope you understand my scheme. And you think being slim attracts the man? Time to rethink your plan. You want a man who just wants you coz you're pretty and you're hot? What happens when you age and when you're not? Dun make fake acquisitions. It's gonna quake your dispositions. I don't think I need to say too much to make you feel my crutch. I'll blast your crotch.
If you feel so much that being slender makes you tender, then there is a real problem with your gender. I dun see men going around crying that they're fat. Coz they know deep down that it's in their hands to make their stands. You reap what you sow. Dun weep coz you grow. So stop asking me if you're bigger. You'll die like a dog when I pull my trigger. Stop asking if you've expanded. I'll fuck your ass single-handed. Stop whining about how you've enlarged. I'll spill on your face my mental discharge. Stop grumbling on how you haf been fumbling. Stop whining on how on your stomach there's a lining. Time to change yourself and start refining. And to that wanna-be fat ass muthafuckaz, nuttin people say can change your opinion on if you're fat or not. So why wanna waste other's time? Jus to see how sweet all your precious dime? Cheap ass bitch. You ain't no muthafucka cheap ass witch.
Dun forget, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
