Saturday, January 05, 2008
You know what's more dangerous than drunk drivers? Women drivers. And you know what's more worse than women drivers? Drunk women drivers. The one thing that I hate when I'm on the road is women drivers. Not that I have a problem with women but seriously, if you're a women and you have a driving license, please get them revoked. Do this society a favour. Please, please visit the psychologist and seek help. You really need someone to talk to and confide in.
For women who drive in speeds less than 20km/hour: Please use the pavement. Do not embarrass yourself on the road. And in fact, the cyclists are overtaking you. Get yourself a kick-scooter or something.
For women who drive in speeds between 20 to 60km/hour: Please keep to the left. We do not want to see you anywhere else but the left lane. We do not want to see you in the middle lane stretching the queue behind you all the way to Tuas. Try racing the bus or the motor equipped bicycles.
For women who drive in speeds in between 60 to 100km/hour: Do not fucking E-brake [Emergency brake] at the very last second. Didn't anybody fucking teach you to slow down gradually? And if there's a bend, do fucking keep in your own lane. There are white markers on the road. Are you blind? Why the fuck are you using 2 fucking lanes to make a bend? If need be, slow the fuck down.
For women who drive in speeds in between 100 to 150km/hour: You really need to load a shotgun and shoot yourself in the head and nowhere but your fucking head! Didn't you know that there's nowhere in Singapore where the speed limit reads 150km/hr? And why is that you have to come so close to a car when you're zooming past? Keep away coz I don't fucking want you to come anywhere near where I'm seated at.
For women who drive in speeds in between 150 to 200km/hour: I admire the Micheal Schumacher in you but please do slow down to avoid a collision that might see you parachute your way to West Coast. You're a women. Take it easy. There are other ways to kill yourself.
For women who drive in speeds in between 150 to 200km/hour: ARE YOU FUCKING OUTTA YOUR MIND?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
And last but definitely not the fucking least, the other kind of drivers:
For women who do not know how to overtake:
Here, let me teach you how to fucking overtake.
1. Check traffic ahead.
2. Check the traffic behind.
3. Signal right/left. [Learn to fucking signal before you fuckign move]
4. Check blind spot.
5. Move right/left.
6. ACCELERATE.
7. Check mirror.
8. Signal left/right.
9. Move left/right.
10. Cancel signal.
11. Resume.
The next time I come across any pussy driving like one, I'll get off and slap the Kotex outta your panties. Mind you. Adios.
