Rough Rhymes

Friday, April 27, 2007

I don't know about you people but I have a very minimal tolerance level for chain mails. Some time ago, I decided to see if chain mails did actually have someone reading and responding accordingly. To my horror, there were replies that were sent to me for my mails in correspondence to the questions. Here's the chained mail followed by the reply I sent them. They have yet to reply on this one but I is anticipating a reply ASAP.

The Email:

"FROM:MR. JUBRIL TANKO
AFRICAN DEVLOPMENT BANK (ADB)
ACCOUNTS & AUDITING DEPT
OUAGADOUGOU-BURKINA FASO.
WEST AFRICA

GOOD DAY FRIEND,

IT WILL BE A SURPRISE FOR YOU TO RECEIVE THIS MAIL. WELCOME THIS LETTER IN THE NAME OF ALMIGHTY GOD.

I AM MR JUBRIL TANKO, THE DIRECTOR OF THE ACCOUNTS & AUDITING DEPT. AT THE AFRICAN DEVLOPMENT BANK OUAGADOUGOU-WEST AFRICA. WITH DUE RESPECT I HAVE DECIDED TO CONTACT YOU ON A BUSINESS TRANSACTION THAT WILL BE BENEFICIAL TO BOTH OF US AT THE BANK'S LAST ACCOUNTS/AUDITING EVALUATIONS, MY STAFFS CAME ACROSS AN OLD ACCOUNT WHICH WAS BEING MAINTAINED BY A FOREIGN CLIENT WHO WE LEARNT WAS AMONG THE DECEASED PASSENGERS OF AN AIRLINE CRASH ON NOV. 2002. SINCE THE DECEASED WAS UNABLE TO RUN THIS ACCOUNT SINCE HIS DEATH. THE ACCOUNT HAS REMAINED DORMANT WITHOUT THE KNOWLEDGE OF HIS FAMILY SINCE IT WAS PUT IN A SAFE DEPOSIT ACCOUNT IN THE BANK FOR FUTURE INVESTMENT BY THE CLIENT. SINCE HIS DEMISE, NOBODY, NOT EVEN THE MEMBERS OF HIS FAMILY HAVE APPLIED FOR CLAIMS OVER THIS FUND AND IT HAS BEEN IN THE SAFE DEPOSIT ACCOUNT UNTIL WE DISCOVERED THAT IT CANNOT BE CLAIMED SINCE OUR CLIENT IS A FOREIGN NATIONAL AND WE ARE SURE THAT HE HAS NO NEXT OF KIN HERE TO FILE CLAIMS OVER THE MONEY. AS THE DIRECTOR OF THE DEPT, THIS DISCOVERY WAS BROUGHT TO MY OFFICE SO AS TO DECIDE WHAT IS TO BE DONE. WITH THE FEW PERSONAL IN MY DEPT, WE DECIDED TO SEEK WAYS THROUGH WHICH TO TRANSFER THIS MONEY OUT OF THE BANK AND OUT OF THE COUNTRY TOO.

THE TOTAL AMOUNT IN THE ACCOUNTS IS TEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS(USD 10.5M).WITH OUR POSITIONS AS STAFFS OF THE BANK, WE ARE HANDICAPPED BECAUSE WE CANNOT OPERATE FOREIGN ACCOUNTS AND CANNOT LAY BONAFIDE CLAIM OVER THIS MONEY. WHILE WE WERE CONTEMPLATING ON WHAT TO DO, A FRIEND OF MINE WHO WORKS WITH THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE AND INDUSTRY RECOMMENDED YOUR PERSONALITY TO ME AND ADVISED I SHOULD ASK YOU FOR HELP TO TRANSFER THIS MONEY OUT OF THE COUNTRY. THE CLIENT IS A FOREIGN NATIONAL AND YOU WILL ONLY BE ASKED TO ACT AS HIS NEXT OF KIN AND I WILL SUPPLY YOU WITH ALL THE NECESSARY INFORMATION'S AND BANK DATA TO ASSIST YOU IN BEING ABLE TO TRANSFER THIS MONEY TO ANY BANK OF YOUR CHOICE WHERE THIS MONEY COULD BE TRANSFERRED INTO. I AND MY PARTNERS HAVE DECIDED TO GIVE AWAY FORTY %(40%) TO YOU FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE AND TEN (10%) FOR ANY EXPENSES THAT MIGHT ARISE DURING THE TRANSACTION OF THIS TRANSFER. WE WANT TO ASSURE YOU THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS ABSOLUTELY RISK FREE SINCE WE WORK IN THIS BANK WHICH IS WHY YOU SHOULD BE CONFIDENT IN THE SUCCESS OF THIS TRANSACTION BECAUSE YOU WILL BE UPDATED WITH INFORMATION AS AT WHEN DESIRED.

WE WILL PLEASE WISH YOU KEEP THIS TRANSACTION SECRET AS WE ARE HOPING TO RETIRE WITH OUR SHARE OF THIS MONEY AT THE END OF TRANSACTION WHICH WILL BE WHEN THIS MONEY IS SAFELY IN YOUR ACCOUNT. WE WILL THEN COME OVER TO YOUR COUNTRY FOR SHARING ACCORDING TO THE PREVIOUSLY AGREED PERCENTAGES.YOU MIGHT EVEN HAVE TO ADVISE US ON POSSIBILITIES OF INVESTMENT IN YOUR COUNTRY OR ELSEWHERE OF OUR CHOICE.MAY GOD HELP YOU TO HELP US TO A RESTIVE RETIREMENT. AMEN.

PLEASE FOR FURTHER INFORMATION AND ENQUIRIES FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME THROUGH MY EMAIL ADDRESS.

I AM AWAITING FOR YOUR URGENT RESPONSE!!!
THANKS AND REMAIN BLESSED.
MR JUBRIL TANKO. "
---------------------------------------------------------------
The Reply:

Dear Mr JUBRIL TANKO-UP-YOUR-ASS,

Whoever the fuck you are from whatever african aids foundation you're from, I've been receiving this motherfucking email from you for the last one motherfucking 'pain in my ass' month. I've tried replying politely or avoiding this chain motherfucking email from you but you seem to be getting onto my motherfucking nerves. Doesn't it get into your African 'my dick's bigger than my head" numb skull that your black ass ain't entertained in an Asian country? Try the Americans. They have blondes living there. They're dumb. I earlier sent a reply stating clearly that I don't want anymore of this motherfucking bullshit only to get a reply assuring me that it ain't a chain mail. I gave you an account number of a friend who told me he wanted to test if this is real but you failed to motherfucking deposit the fucking money. And whichever punani was it who told you about my personality? Will Smith or Chris Tucker?

Now before I start registering myself with all the porn sites using your email add, I hope this stops. And trust me, I know more ways to cause a damage through chain mails than you already are doing. No amen for you, just Om Shakti.

Cheers you black boy!

Labels: Africa, Bank, Chain Mail

Praba - 3:50 AM 2 comment(s)

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